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Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 8892479)

Neither did she..:lol:

:lol::lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: so TRUE!

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Covid hasn't affected Granny any....

LockDoc

Maybe she'll get some glasses with her stimulus money. :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 8892569)

jeep

Who says rust is bad!! :lol::lol::lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 8890982)

Cop: Do you know why I stopped you?

I actually had this one happen to me driving across Wyoming years ago. I was going about 25 over when an RX7 blew past me. About half a mile later Wyoming Highway Patrol stopped me. I mentioned that the RX7 was going way faster than me. He said, "Yeah, I saw him, but I would have had to work harder to catch him."

Here's an old one that was floating around the internet start-up. Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges, who were native Texans that the chili wouldn't be too spicy, and the beer was free, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A bit heavy on the tomato, but amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Wholly shot what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one, these Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They called in three pitchers of beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A bean-less chili, and a bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sit-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; she’s starting to look HOT! just like this nuclear-waste I am eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. The cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I said her chili gave me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. The other judges asked me to stop screaming, flocking Rednecks!

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except fat Sally. I need to wipe my bass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes like they threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note I am worried about Judge number 3.

FRANK: You could put flaking grenade in my mouth, pull the flocking pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava sheet to match my shirt. At least they'll know what killed me from the autopsy. I've decided to stop breathing, it's just too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I can just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see most of the chili was lost when Judge # 3 passed out pulling the chili pot on top of him, poor Yankee.

(Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

:lol::lol:

Been a few days since I heard that one. Love it

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 8893119)

:lol::lol:

Been a few days since I heard that one. Love it

I started crying I was chuckling so hard.... :lol: (I arrived in TX as a youth from up North/East).

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii , or just a low ha

Irish humor
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 8895583)

:lol::lol:

.
Attachment 2090049

Leftover Parts from Years of Projects :lol::lol:
Attachment 2090050

Do you see anything Wrong with these Tires;)

Attachment 2090051

Repaired my Frame:metal: What do you think?? :lol:

Attachment 2090052

Attachment 2090053

.

^^If she wanted to go to church.... I'd take her (& I don't go to church) ;)

Do these tires make my bus look big? :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 8896274)

Do these tires make my bus look big? :lol:

Maybe he is overcompensating for something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Getter-Done (Post 8896229)

.
Do you see anything Wrong with these Tires;)

Attachment 2090051

Slightly oversized.... and oh yeah, backwards. ;)

How do you open the doors to get in? Poor design!! :lol:

Is there a back door to go in?
Good luck turning right or left..... :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stocker (Post 8896471)

Is there a back door to go in?
Good luck turning right or left..... :lol:

Like I said, poor design. :lol:

This truck term used loosely is from my area.

Mark, all I can say about that is someone did an awful lot of work to create a monstrosity.
Workmanship could very well be absolutely first class, but.... well, I'll just say the result is not to my taste. :exit:

My 10-yr old just asked me this...

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 68bowtie (Post 8897033)

My 10-yr old just asked me this...

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

How did you answer him?......

I said I don’t know.

He said...

Because he got stuck in a crack.

So did this letter 😁

Quote:

Originally Posted by 72 tigger (Post 8897127)

Truth

:lol: You in some trouble, boy! :lol:

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.

No joke: about 10 or 15 years ago we had a big lightning storm come through and start dozens of fires. Of course everyone in the area was called out. While we were headed over there for mutual aid, we heard on the radio that one fire truck (another dept) had rear ended another fire truck in thick smoke. Two trucks out of action plus there were injuries so even more folks had to be called off fire duty and put on EMT hats to run an ambulance to Billings. Since there were injuries even though it was on a back road, MHP had to be called to "investigate." The nearest one was about two hours away as usual, and by then it was dark and the trooper car hit a racoon about 10 minutes from the scene and took out the oil pan.

(just noticed this post is # 3030 :) )

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20 (Post 8897736)

That was one tough raccoon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 68bowtie (Post 8898049)

That was one tough raccoon.

Tougher than an impala, apparently :lol: