Re: Joke Thread
-
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace he enjoyed was when he was out in the field working. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale!?" LockDoc |
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
:lol::lol::lol: very funny! I'm looking for mule now.....:lol:
|
Re: Joke Thread
:lol::lol::lol: Oh man, I did not see that one coming!
|
Re: Joke Thread
Neither did she..:lol:
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
1 Attachment(s)
jeep
|
Re: Joke Thread
:lol: :lol: :lol: so TRUE!
|
Re: Joke Thread
1 Attachment(s)
-
Covid hasn't affected Granny any.... LockDoc |
Re: Joke Thread
Maybe she'll get some glasses with her stimulus money. :lol:
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
Here's an old one that was floating around the internet start-up. Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges, who were native Texans that the chili wouldn't be too spicy, and the beer was free, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A bit heavy on the tomato, but amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Wholly shot what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one, these Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They called in three pitchers of beers when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A bean-less chili, and a bit salty. Good use of red peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sit-faced. CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; she’s starting to look HOT! just like this nuclear-waste I am eating. CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. The cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I said her chili gave me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. The other judges asked me to stop screaming, flocking Rednecks! CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except fat Sally. I need to wipe my bass with a snow cone! CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes like they threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note I am worried about Judge number 3. FRANK: You could put flaking grenade in my mouth, pull the flocking pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava sheet to match my shirt. At least they'll know what killed me from the autopsy. I've decided to stop breathing, it's just too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I can just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see most of the chili was lost when Judge # 3 passed out pulling the chili pot on top of him, poor Yankee. (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report). |
Re: Joke Thread
:lol::lol:
Been a few days since I heard that one. Love it |
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
1 Attachment(s)
...
|
Re: Joke Thread
5 Attachment(s)
|
Re: Joke Thread
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii , or just a low ha
|
Re: Joke Thread
Irish humor
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!" |
Re: Joke Thread
1 Attachment(s)
charge
|
Re: Joke Thread
:agree:
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
|
Re: Joke Thread
1 Attachment(s)
horse
|
Re: Joke Thread
5 Attachment(s)
.
Attachment 2090049 Leftover Parts from Years of Projects :lol::lol: Attachment 2090050 Do you see anything Wrong with these Tires;) Attachment 2090051 Repaired my Frame:metal: What do you think?? :lol: Attachment 2090052 Attachment 2090053 . |
Re: Joke Thread
^^If she wanted to go to church.... I'd take her (& I don't go to church) ;)
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:09 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Copyright 1997-2022 67-72chevytrucks.com