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'I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART'
A group of women were at a seminar on How to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who is this? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick? 3 I love you too. 4. What now? Did you crash the car again? 5. I don't understand what you mean? 6. What did you do now? 7. ?!? 8. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need? 9. Am I dreaming? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she?? |
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I had to help a friend make final arrangements for a family member .. undertaker quoted almost $25K for a not so lavish funeral. Having burried my parents not so long ago with a similar funeral for about 10K each I asked why so much... undertaker replied the high cost of living.... is that irony?
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A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos.....It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,' she replied..Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied......'Two popsicles & some coffee.'
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Well I did something I don't normally do. Last night I went out and had way more to drink than normal. Had several shots and quite a few mixed drinks. I knew I was way over the limit to be driving so I took the bus . Boy am I glad I did, there was a dui checkpoint , but as it was a bus they waved it through. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
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Varible Stroke rod
Attachment 2141020 No Blow Fuses Attachment 2141021 No map Required Attachment 2141022 How It's Made: Pizza Cutter Attachment 2141034 |
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Hey, put that wheel back on there. There's some brakeage left in that one yet. :lol:
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I got in touch with my inner self today. That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.
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There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected
his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz." THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better. |
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No kidding, I would certainly like a ride off this rock
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Bang! Zoom! To tha moon Alice! :lol:
Who remembers where that line came from? |
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Yeah. Jackie was quite an actor. And he played Sheriff Buford T Justice oh so well too.
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