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Stop george while your a HEAD!

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^^^ :lol: No need to be piling on.

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"
"Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."
I love these touching stories!

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carp

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If I remember correctly,

You lay the Carp on a Board in the Back yard.

Leave it for a few days.

Bury the Carp .

Then Eat the Board. :lol::bann::haha::rolleyes::bann::clap:

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No joke I cooked a carp up nice once, lots of butter and seasonings. I’ll eat about anything. But I could NOT eat that. Not an exaggeration to say it tasted like mud…

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My all-purpose fish recipe: Take the fish and put in in a blender. Puree and add water. Use the mixture to fertilize grass. Use the grass to feed beef. Eat the beef.

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knit

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Fishnet stockings. Oh my..

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party

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:spittake:

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hat

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when i fished with my dad if we caught a carp he'd damn near cut the line to get that bottom feeder off, haha

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When I was in Iraq we trained the Iraqi highway patrol. They invited us to a special feast - carp caught in the Euphrates River, which is an open sewer by the time it reaches the area I was serving in. As a matter of principle and taste, I don't eat fish, but everyone who did had nasty stuff violently exiting both ends of the digestive tract for the next 48 hours.

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bee

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And you know those Iraqis were laughing their ashes off, right? :lol:

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tip

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Isn't a catfish a carp with a moustache?

Catfish is a delicacy where my people come from.

K

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In related news: it looks like our bees made it through the winter. First time for us, in about 5 years of trying.

I am OK with calling myself a "beekeeper" now!

K

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fire

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sammich

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...

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250

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MD Weather


.

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:ito:
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

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might be a true story :lol:

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:haha::haha::haha:
Might be true but it's still funny. :lol::haha:

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...

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What did the Fisherman say to the Magician ?. Pick a cod, any cod

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Hahahaa

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Why did the turkey cross the road?









To prove he wasn't chicken!

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girl

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Fell on hard times.

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What does a person with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common?

They both are praying they make it home!

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now that's a funny but true story, i just sent it to my son with a tesla and a pregnant wife.:blz::clap:

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love it!!

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It'll be fine... :lol:

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:lol: One of my brothers saw someone taking a screen door home on the roof of their car. It was strapped in the middle through the windows. The front half was folded back towards the back half.