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- - Joke Thread (https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/showthread.php?t=805197)

I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, I just had no idea her 1st name was Always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 9316668)

A WIFE send a text MESSAGE to the husband:
"Honey, don't forget to buy bread on your way home from work and your girlfriend Vallery said I must greet you"
HUSBAND Text: "Who is Vallery?"
WIFE respond: "Nobody. I just wanted you to answer so that I can know you saw my message"
HUSBAND: "But I am with Vallery right now and I thought you saw us"
WIFE: "What? Where are you?"
HUSBAND: "Near the Bakery, right at the door"
WIFE: "Wait, I am coming right now"
* After 5 minutes the wife send a text message to the husband.
WIFE: "I am at the bakery, where are you?"
HUSBAND: " I am at work. Now that you are at the bakery, bring the bread with you home.

:lol:

Lol to both of those last ones :lol:

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol:

Richard has the best jokes!

This line in the electric fence joke made me LOL ... and has a Picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 9316783)

mole

That Funny Right There. :lol::haha::lol::haha:

My Golden Retriever can smell one from Miles away.;)

She will dig and sniff and root them out.

Then play with them like a New Toy.:ito:

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 9316966)

bold

Nuff Said. :lol:

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.”
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one.” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset?”
So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before.” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while.
I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true.” He continued, “She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant in a few minutes.
But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door.” “The blonde says, ‘Oh my god, it’s my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he’s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!’”
“So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he’s bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn’t see me.”
The bartender says “Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point.”
“Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, ‘Who you been with now, you witch?’
The girl says, ‘Nobody, honey, now calm down.
“Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I’m thinking, ‘Boy, I’m glad I didn’t hide in there.’ Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there either.
Then I heard him say, ‘What’s that over there by the window?’ I think, ‘Oh God, I’m dead meat now.’ But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he’s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head.
I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!” The bartender says, “Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure.” “No, that didn’t really bother me.
Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They’re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass.” The bartender looks at the guy’s hands and says, “Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset.”
“No, that wasn’t what really got me so angry though.” The bartender then asks in exasperation, “Well, then, what did finally make you anger?”
“Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down–I was only about six inches off the ground

Yes. Now I see where they came up with the design. Coincidence?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 9317190)

Coincidence?

:haha:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 9317190)

Yes. Now I see where they came up with the design. Coincidence?

Except the dumpster's not on fire... :devil:

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717 (Post 9317395)

bee

I don't get it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by truckster (Post 9317426)

I don't get it...

Glad I'm not the only one..... ;)

That's not the Bee Gees, It a Benny Hill skit (British comedy)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20 (Post 9317523)

That's not the Bee Gees, It a Benny Hill skit (British comedy)

Well, I knew it wasn't the Bee Gees, and I recognized Benny Hill.... but I still don't get it. I'll put my dunce cap on and go sit in the corner now. :lol:

Since the previous joke was preempted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Getter-Done (Post 9317559)

My Wife is Missing.

My wife is missing,men & cars - YouTube

:lol: I remember the reverse situation, where the woman couldn't identify anything about the vehicle that hit her, but could describe the driver right down to the shoes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CG (Post 9318471)

:crazy:

:lol: :lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by CG (Post 9318471)

:crazy:

I didn't realize people still thought the earth is flat. Hmmm:lol::lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by CG (Post 9318471)

:crazy:

This make sense:rolleyes::rolleyes:.

There is a Guy from Tennessee that supposably,
Invented the Internet. :haha::haha::haha:

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'?
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozy from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"
My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

^ The irony! It's so true... :lol:

Boog, you're not even from California....how did ya know?

Good thing too as I would NOT be happy! :lol:

And what is up with that $24 Billion missing from the state funds anyway?

12
This reminds me of an old guy at a lawn mower and small engine parts and repair store. It did not matter what you went in there for, if you did not have the make, model and serial #, he would not help you. I kid you not!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 9319881)

EZ enough...... 2024 Tesla.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 9319880)

Good thing too as I would NOT be happy! :lol:

And what is up with that $24 Billion missing from the state funds anyway?

Great question, we'll probably never know.....:devil:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boog (Post 9320103)

This is a cover up!

:lol::lol::lol:

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray- haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations". You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.