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:lol::lol::lol::lol:

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Johnny and Donnie were two rather raucous young brothers. Their mother being at her wits end, decided to ask the pastor to talk to the boys.

She sent Johnny first. The pastor asked Johnny "Do you know where God is?". Johnny sat there in obvious stress. The pastor asked again "Do you know where God is?"

Johnny jumped up and ran out of the church and all the way home and into the house yelling "Donnie, God is missing and they are blaming us."

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Those boys still believe that god is missing. I wonder why that is?

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Common problem these days.

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I agree!

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...

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:lol: that's actually true. :lol:

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Having both carbureted and fuel-injected vehicles, I can see the truth in both of those...

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Shhhh.

The number one rule about fight club...

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It's the "JOKE" thread....:lol:

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True, but in most good humor there's a thread of truth.

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Seen on a Travel Trailer site

Attachment 2064678

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Funny but true. :lol::lol:

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I need one of those! :lol:

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This made me smile

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Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

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:lol::lol::lol: that's a patient delivery guy. :lol:

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Reminds me of this one:
The Nun heard a knock on the door..."who is it?" she said
"The blind man" was the reply
The Nun thought to herself...."this might be the only chance I ever have to parade around naked in front of a man."
She proceeded to strip naked and open the door....
"Nice boobs ma'am....where do you want me to hang these blinds?"

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I see what ya did there Dale

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:lol::lol: I'm pretty proud of myself. :lol::lol::lol:

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Dang kids are always cousing trouble. :lol:

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A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

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:lol::lol:

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I don’t mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer �� out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

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I understand that feeling......A LOT.......:lol:

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My 8-year old daughter just now: Dad, why can’t someone have a 12-inch nose?

Me: Because you would look strange.

Her: No, because it would be a foot.

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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So I was at Walmart and this little girl who looks like she is about 3 years old was sitting in a basket. She was looking at me like I stole her tooth fairy money!! So me being the person I am, I smiled and waved at her. Her lil watermelon headed ass rolled her eyes at me. So me being the person I am (cause a 3 year old aint gonna play with me) I asked her mother if i could give her some candy. The mom said yes, and smiled. I told the little girl to put it in her pocket for later. She smiled and I smiled, and then I walked over and told the manager she was stealing M&M's. The manager said, "Thank you. I am so sick of these parents not controlling their children." The manager walks over to the mother and asked her to empty her pockets. So I stuck my middle finger up at the little seed of Chucky, and kindly walked out the store. I am not the one to be played with.....

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:lol::lol::lol: a very bad man! :lol:

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OMG that’s hilarious

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An old lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 5 dollars.

In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window:
Butter – 4 dollars.

The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign:
Butter – 3 dollars.

Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read:
Butter – 2 dollars.

This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said,

“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”

In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,

“Mister, I don’t even sell butter.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is why you never mess with old folk!

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:lol:

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^ Is that what you’ve heard, or is that speaking from experience? :)

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My wife laughed hysterically.

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Rrr

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"I stepped out this morning and it was so cold. I mean, I don't want to over react but Merry Christmas ya'll"

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OK-----I'll bite----How cold was it.................?

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Cold enough to keep your brass monkeys inside?