Old guy sayings,

[PanelDeland]

I thought it might be time for another post on comments made when things git a little strange,You know like when you pick up and drop something hot and the old guy that's always hanging around says"It don't take you long to look at hot stuff does it?"

or "he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed"

The best one I've heard lately to do with modern stuff(and the one that brought up the idea of this post is

"Pamela Anderson has screwed more musicians than Napster"

[BOSS]

my dad used to say one
"makes my but crave buttermilk"
not sure what he meant by it but it was one he used whenever he got mad at someone..........lol

[Alan Potter]

....I was born at night, but not last night.

[panhandler62]

That dude is just about half a bubble off plumb

[kingsolver72]

"You can tell he is on the level,his bubble is in the middle".

[Brainchild]

My best friends dad used to tell him when he did something stupid.Like back the truck out of the garage with the truck door open.

Your butts sucking wind causing vacuum to your brain,that's why you act that way.

Always busted me up,and still does.

[N2TRUX]

Dumber than a box of rocks!
Dumber than a rack of hammers!
Slower than a squished turd!
Uglier than a mud fence!


I'll think of more....

[shortymac83]

that car's faster than a raped ape

[kingsolver72]

Whos f#^%'n this monkey,just shut up and hold the tail.

[70 shorty]

I'm just looking forward to being a senior citizen so I can call people whippersnappers. I think it's requiered that you're at least 80 to say that.

[Gordo]

Why, that guy is so henpecked when his wife says sit, he doesn't even look for a chair!

[Pop's72]

The most classic old guy saying is one that my grandpa says:

"I have forgotten more about fill in the blank then you will ever know."

[68Stepbed]

My dad always says: " You can't fix stupid"
"There's more than one way to skin a cat, and the cat don't like none of 'em".
"I'll kick your butt so high, you'll have to pull your shirt up to s#%^".
"I'll mess you up so bad, your momma won't even recognize you".

I'll think of more later.

I heard one a while back from an old moonshiner the other day. It's a bit offensive so if anyone wants to hear it, PM me.
I won't put it on here. I think the rules are against it.

[chevytruckfan]

You can't polish a turd you only get shiny crap.

[GMan69]

Fish and relatives begin to smell after three days.

From "Poor Richard's Almanac" by Benjamin Franklin

[TruckinDaddy]

When he got ticked off, my buddy's dad would say "I'm gonna stomp a mud hole in you, then I'm gonna stomp it dry."

He was big enough that we never questioned him.

[86swb]

"Build a bridge and get over it" My wife says that sometimes

[special-K]

An old carpenter told me once,"Boy,I`ve hung more doors than you`ve walked through."Of course,being a cocky whippersnapper I said,"That may be,but this is the best way to hang one.Thanks anyway."

[papawswrench]

My old man was a carpenter and very wise - he had many sayings for us kids , but the most important to him and us ( once we grew up ) was :
Measure twice , cut once !

[Old Dave]

I've taken that adivce before and still cut the thing too damn short. My dad used to say "That's dumber than a fart struck with a hammer."

[weasel29gm]

'' There 2 bricks shy of a full load ''

[Stocker]

If she had as many stickin' out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porkypine.

Life is like a sh!t sandwich; every day you have to get up and take another bite out of it.

He doesn't have the sense God gave a goose. (or substitute a soda cracker)

If he had a brain, he'd take it out and play with it.

If this was easy, we'd have kids doin' it.

[Fred T]

It doesn't take you long to look at a hot horseshoe, does it.

He done screwed the pooch.

He could screw up a crowbar in a sand pile.

Sh** or get off the pot.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

You don't want to live to see your next birthday, do you?

Grandma was slow, but she was 80.

It's better than sex.

Driving like a bat out of hell.

I wasn't born yesterday.

Do I look like I just got off the banana boat?

I'll be getting married the second Tuesday of next week.

It's like trying to stuff 10 pounds of taters in a 5 pound sack.

Slicker than snot.

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

These are lo-cal donuts, made right down the street.

She''s so ugly you'd have to tie a bone around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

She's ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road.

[MAC67]

s#$t in one hand and wish in the other , see wich one fills up first

you my frined have got a good case of head in a$$ syndrome

youd %^$# up a wet dream

you gonna do somethin or just sit there and thumb your dummy

bumpin uglys

i wouldnt pi$$ down your throat if your guts were on fire

stay back , i dont wanna catch a case of the dumb

back when moby dick was a minow

if a frog had wings would he bump his a$$ when he hopped

is a frogs a$$ water tight

that fellas bout as queer as a 3 dollar bill

colder that a witches %$^

im gonna stuff your head so far up your a$$ youll have to were your socks as a hat

that dog will hunt

when the rabbit goes round the 50 dollars goes down





and one of my favorites from the movie tommy boy ,, " i could get a good look at a t-bone by sticking my head up a bulls a$$ , but id rather take the butchers word for it "

[Stocker]

If ignorance is bliss, he's one happy sum*****