Morons

[Sublvr72]

How do these people survive?

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right. "So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thing"

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the Branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT

Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and all should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

[BodyShopDropOut12]

I love that lie detector one.

[Dirty Dan]

Wow.... just wow.

[inline6Bill]

Let me add a few of my own:

I went to the local McDonald's and ordered a meal deal by number. The kid behind the counter asked me, "Do you want fries with that meal ?"

I went into an auto parts store and asked the kid behind the counter for a water pump for a 1966 Volkswagen Beatle (these Beatles are air cooled). He had a hard time trying to find the part number on the computer, and after looking for the number in some books, I finally had to tell them that there is no such thing. I did not ask for muffler bearings after that!!!

At one job i worked at, we had to do a large clean up project. I quickly sent one of the new employees, who was almost worthless, back to the equipment shed to get "a skyhook and about 100 feet of shoreline". Everybody else around me busted a gut laughing so hard.

But the best one had to be the "Venomous Plumber's Snake". I had to have a co-worker go get me a plumber's snake to clean out a plugged up toilet. As he comes back, I just had to ask if it bit him. After he said no, I told him thank you for not getting the Venomous plumber's snake. He had to ask me how to tell the difference between the venomous and non-venomous snakes.

[Grim Reaper]

Went to Autozone to get a Froant axle U-joint for a 10 bolt. Kid asks "can I help you?"

ME: Yeah got grab em a Brute force 297 u-joint.

Dork boy: What year is the vehicle he asks.

ME: Look just go grab the box that has 297 on it.

Dork boy:I can't I need to get the part number.

ME: So I spit it out.

ME: 1979 GMC K10 blazer just to screw with him.

this confuses him.

Now mind you his boss who knows me is standing becide him helping another customer. His boss knows I have spent thousands of dollars and that I know exactly what I want when I get there and knows I know how touse the computer and he usualy points at the computer when I walk in to help myself.

So I play along with the new kid.

Dork boy: Year?
ME:1979

Dork boy: make?
ME:Chevy

Dork boy: Model?

ME:Blazer

Dork boy: 2wd or 4wd?

I roll my eyes as I tell him "4"

Dork boy: engine size?

ME: Like this really matters at all but it's a 350 but the part is the same regardless the engine.

He then tells me " I don;t have it. Looks like a dealer only part.

I look at him in total disbelief and ask "Since when?"

Dork boy: Well always some parts we just cant get.

ME: Well gee the last 7 or 8 I have bought here were not dealer only items.

Jim (the boss) is about to bust a gut but trying to keep a straight face heads off to get the part his customer needs.

I spin the monitor where I can see it and grab the key board and back it up so I can see what this dork has looked up.

Some how he managed to get the computer to eat 79 S10 blazer and looked up a haf shaft for it.. Uhhhhhh 82 I think was first year for s10.

SO about that time Jim drops a 297 on the counter on he way to his customer. I picked uo it and pointed at the part number 1-X297 or something another. "See the 297 part" I ask the boy?

Then I said to him " Let me guess....you drive a honda?"

Dork boy: Yeah how did you guess?

ME: Well because you don't know anything about one of the most common trucks ever built. This part is used in just about every 4wd truck made by GM since the 60's and probably still used in the current truck front drive shafts.

Came in a few days later and Jim tells me the kid quit. It was too hard of a job and the customers were mean to him LOL.

[Blue Beard]

alot of those sound like blonde jokes...

[76HighSierra]

You should have taken it a bit easier on him, Grim. Most of these poor kids are paid minimum wage, with little hope of advancement. I wouldn't even get out of bed in the morning for minimum wage.

[toddtheodd]

Originally Posted by 76HighSierra

You should have taken it a bit easier on him, Grim. Most of these poor kids are paid minimum wage, with little hope of advancement. I wouldn't even get out of bed in the morning for minimum wage.

I would've been harder on him myself. Stupidity should be painful.
Todd

[LUV2XCLR8]

LMAO AND ROTF. NOW I NEED A TISSUE FOR MY EYES.

[76HighSierra]

Originally Posted by toddtheodd

I would've been harder on him myself. Stupidity should be painful.
Todd

I wholeheartedly agree, but I don't think it's intelligence that's in question here, merely ambition. I don't know about y'all, but minimum wage does not inspire me to learn much more than how to double knot my shoe laces. :p Knowledgeable people cost money, and places like that should try paying someone a decent wage if they expect them to know and/or learn anything.

[FuelCellGuy]

Here's a good one. I pulled the Skyhook in the tool room one before. Here's the kicker....the tool man spent 30 minutes looking for it. Oh man.....