OT- a little light humor!!

[67pro-street]

The Dam


This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the

Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of

Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's

letter before you get to the response letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality

that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced

parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner

and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams

across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been

issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is

in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource


and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being


sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws,
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially

failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream

locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and

cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and

desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
free-flow

condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,
2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that

a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on

the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
action...

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane,

Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing

and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my

Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project,

I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures

building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to

attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam


skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam

persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must

first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam
request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the

Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other

applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see

if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the

Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania

Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled

to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute


and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to


provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that

either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing

flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department

is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond

Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please

contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously

did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read
English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build

their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to

live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources

and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be

referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait

until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice

then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to

contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real

environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the

bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely

believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and

leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!

The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable

to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this

response to your dam office.


THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

[dirtball]

That's great. I would love to read the state's respnonce to that.

[Palf70Step]

Ask and yee shall receive....although this letter is a bit off from the original.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

[ChevyCrazy67]

Thats about the coolest thing I've read in a long time.

[krue]

[gmcracing92]

now thats funny, i havnt laughed that good in a long time

[GM72K10]

Go figure LOL

[Nolowrider]

That is so funny. Poor little beavers.

[GM72K10]

Read it again. That IS the best one yet. If it is true than the State of PA is about as dumb as the State of NJ. The difference is that the beavers in NJ would be picketed for not being in the dam union