how to change oil

[darkmotives]

borrowed from another forum

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

_____________________________


Oil Change instructions for Men:


1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.
>
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

[killer71]

[sb69chevy]

[truckguy_69]

That **** was funny.

[trkklr77]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

you need to correct step three, or at least expand on it,

step 3 should read

15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
only make it 2 blocks till motor siezes up solid and you have to walk back to the jiffy lube. they return to check on your car to find that
A it has no oil in it
b the oil filter fell off at the driveway to jiffy lube
c the oil drain plug is stipped out and missing, its sitting next to the oil filter
then drive away in a rental car till j/l has your motor replaced.

[72BLUZ]

that pretty good, i liked it.

[corkscrew]

Very Very clever So true as well

[Aarons72s]

[texas67chevy]

DUI In Texas $11,000

[68GMC454]

,,,,thats funny,,true though

[cory321]

Dont forget about lawyer fees for the DUI.

[70rs/ss]

I second the Jiffy Lubretards!! My mom's friend got exactly 2 blocks away before the death clunk. JL actually tried to claim they didn't do anything wrong (until she pulled out said dipstick, which of course was bone dry!) I do not do the DUI thing, but man a case of Royal Purple $7 per quart, adds up and the Wix filter, yadda yadda. Funny, funny, been there with the hot @$$ oil on face, arms etc and the extra skin harvesting as well!!

[GREASEMONKEY72]

been there done that, exept mine stops at about 35/36

[jacobs]

OR.....You can change oil like my daughter does......Buy another vehicle.

[corn]

Heres how her jiffy lube trip went... PRICELESS!

http://videos.streetfire.net/categor...9c00e6529f.htm

[Hoods69BadBowTie]

LOL, too true. I use to work there for like 4 months and nothing but a bunch of goobers. Don't really care about doing a good job and listened to absolutely nothing the new guy (me) had to say about any of it.