You know you own a $500 car (or truck) when

[Fatherof3]

I was over on the "you might drive a squarebody when" thread here (where I found a half dozen more i could plagiarize, steal, copy, and or adapt to this list and thought I should share it.

You know you own a $500 car when:

You notice a bolt on the ground where you normally park and you wonder if it goes to an important part

You mow your grass and find a fuel pump and an old head gasket

You had to re-assemble it to bring it home

You are backing into your garage and run into a spare motor

You have a screwdriver and clean rags in your purse

You take the back seat out and it makes the car noticeably quicker

There are vise grips under the hood and they need to be there

You are driving and hear clink clank clunk and immediately affix your eyes to the rear view mirror to see what tool just fell out from under the hood and whether or not it's turning around worthy

Your half lug nuts have disappeared

You only buy gas at a station that has a downhill slope so you can get it started again

You can’t buy gas at a station that has a downhill slope because your car will roll away

You have to hold on the gas nozzle the whole time at just the right angle to fill it

You are afraid you will run out of oil before you run out of gas

You buy kitty-litter and don’t have a kitty

Yon hit a pot hole and our glove box falls out from under the dash dumping your tools on the road

The lack of oil drips on the driveway concerns you

You're on a first name basis with the AAA customer service reps.

There's a car shaped brown patch in your yard

Your car is older than the people working at the parts store

You're friends ask where the headliner is

The ex-wife didn't want it in the divorce

You have to wipe the condensation off of both the inside and outside of the windows before driving every morning

You question why you have mirrors because all you see in them is vibrating blured objects

You store a rag and a bottle of oil under the hood

You step on the gas and the car actually slows down

Your boss actually believes "My car broke down" when you're late

You're sitting in a meeting at work and the person next to you says "you smell like gas"

Your insurance considers a crack in your windshield a total loss

Your shoes have no laces because the wipers do

You go to buy a bungee cord and ask for a battery tie down

You have to smack the hood to get it open

You know which tools to grab before you even open the hood

A bungee cord is also hood and or trunk latch

You break down on the side of a road and you're able to fix it with the tools in your glove box

You vacuum your carpets once a week due to sloshing

It's always 5:00 (or whatever time your clock last functioned)

You get to work and your windshield is still iced over

You wash your hands before going the bathroom

When anything you do to it is an upgrade

The GPS on your phone is your speedometer

You have figured out a algorithm for the RPMs because your speedo doesn’t work

The engine dies at a stop light because the lights, wipers, heater fan and brake lights are too big of a draw on the alternator

The bike on your roof is for back up

If you have left a friend or family member at the junkyard to guard parts while you race home to get the right tools.

Your neighbors complains about the junkyard you call a driveway

You check all the sticker bushes.... For cars

Your parts car has a parts car

You get caught trespassing and say "Sorry sir just looking for old cars”

Your anti theft device is a wire nut

When you go out on your lunch break, and all that happens is fixing a carb

When you save old radiator hoses and fan belts

If you plan to get everything fixed on your list in 3 days, and 4 weeks later, the list is still growing

Your young son starts drawing pictures of cars and the front wheels are always up on ramps

Woman think its a cute car, but wont ride in it

The wiper switch has two speeds: slow and slower

Changing head gaskets and transmissions feels more like maintenance than repair

You consider 60mph fast

Your PU bed is full of what you think are valueable parts but you don't have to worry that anyone will steel them.

You don't worry about losing you ignition key, since every other key on your ring will start it

You keep a jug of water and a jug of used oil in the trunk

You go to your parts stash but can't find anything and have to come back with the weed eater

Your e-brake is a block of firewood

You get passed by a 1964 VW bus on the freeway

You step on the gas and the car actually slows down

Your car gets towed because they thought it was abandoned

You take the back road home because you cannot safely go freeway speeds

You take the back roads home to scout for parts cars

You are afraid you will run out of oil before you run out of gas

You save old fenders with rusted out bottoms because the headlight bucket is still good

The officer says "I was going to ticket you for speeding, but I just can't believe you were actually going as fast as my radar says”

Your Hi beams are your Lo beams

You turn the key only to smell gas and your passengers get away from the car

That’s the 3rd time this week that broke

If running your car out of gas in an inconvenient place might be considered a total lose.

Ace hardware is considered a parts store

You run out of AAA free tows and start using your brothers AAA card

You do a tune up for someone else and keep their old spark plugs

People you know call to tell you they saw a car that could be good for parts for yours parked at such and such place

The officer says "I was going to ticket you for speeding, but I just can't believe you were actually going as fast as my radar says

The confused officer walks back to his car and you lift the floor mat and pick your beer up off the road before driving away

You walk up to the parts counter and say "I want two wiper blades for my car." And the parts guy says "That sounds like a fair trade."

3 pumps stops it

You drive a different car and at the first stop sign you smack your face on the steering wheel

If you are addicted to brake fluid but believe you can stop any time

Your wife rolls her eyes as you are reading this to her and says "Sounds like they're describing you”