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04-26-2020, 10:56 PM
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#1 |
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Special Order
  
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Mt Airy, MD
Posts: 85,851
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Joke Thread
Ok, here we go again. Just jokes and replies to them please. Let's see what you've got. They don't have to be the greatest jokes, so no need to worry.
See? Not worried: Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?", I said, "No it doesn't" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? "Aye matey" HAR HAR HAR!!
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"BUILDING A BETTER WAY TO SERVE THE USA"......67/72......"The New Breed" GMC '67 C1500 Wideside Super Custom SWB: 327/M22/3.42 posi.........."The '67" (project) GMC '72 K2500 Wideside Sierra Custom Camper: 350/TH350/4.10 Power-Lok..."The '72" (rolling) Tim "Don't call me a redneck. I'm a rough cut country gentleman" R.I.P. ~ East Side Low Life ~ El Jay ~ 72BLUZ ~ Fasteddie69 ~ Ron586 ~ 67ChevyRedneck ~ Grumpy Old Man ~ Last edited by special-K; 04-27-2020 at 06:59 AM. |
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04-26-2020, 11:44 PM
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#2 | |
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Proprietor of Dale's Corner
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,245
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man R.I.P. FleetsidePaul |
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04-27-2020, 12:17 AM
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#3 |
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Catchy title goes here..
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 39,767
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Re: Joke Thread
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!
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04-27-2020, 12:30 AM
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#4 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Aiea,HI
Posts: 187
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Re: Joke Thread
What happened to the frogs car?
It got toad away. |
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04-27-2020, 12:43 AM
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#5 |
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 20,033
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Re: Joke Thread
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?
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1972 C/10 Cheyenne Super SWB. Restored, loaded, slammed. 1968 C/10 50th Anniversary LWB. Unrestored, stock, daily driver/work truck. RIP ElJay RIP 67ChevyRedneck RIP Grumpy Old Man RIP FleetsidePaul |
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04-27-2020, 12:47 AM
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#6 |
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Catchy title goes here..
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 39,767
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Re: Joke Thread
well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
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04-27-2020, 07:05 AM
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#7 |
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Special Order
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Mt Airy, MD
Posts: 85,851
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Re: Joke Thread
And???
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
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"BUILDING A BETTER WAY TO SERVE THE USA"......67/72......"The New Breed" GMC '67 C1500 Wideside Super Custom SWB: 327/M22/3.42 posi.........."The '67" (project) GMC '72 K2500 Wideside Sierra Custom Camper: 350/TH350/4.10 Power-Lok..."The '72" (rolling) Tim "Don't call me a redneck. I'm a rough cut country gentleman" R.I.P. ~ East Side Low Life ~ El Jay ~ 72BLUZ ~ Fasteddie69 ~ Ron586 ~ 67ChevyRedneck ~ Grumpy Old Man ~ |
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04-27-2020, 07:28 AM
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#8 |
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State of Confusion!
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Gulfport, MS USA
Posts: 47,228
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Re: Joke Thread
...
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Bill 1970 Chevy Custom/10 LWB Fleetside 2010 Toyota Tacoma PreRunner SR5 Double Cab - DD Member of Louisiana Classic Truck Club (LCTC) Bill's Gallery Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God! |
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04-27-2020, 07:32 AM
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#9 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Parkville, MD
Posts: 1,024
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Re: Joke Thread
I had a friend that would drink brake fluid. He told me he could stop any time.
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1970 C20 Custom Camper - 350, TH350 1997 GMC Suburban 1994 Acura Integra GSR 1987 Dodge Daytona Shelby Z |
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04-27-2020, 09:58 AM
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#10 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Beebe, AR
Posts: 2,475
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Re: Joke Thread
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one. ------------------------------------------------- Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll. -------------------------------------------------- What rock group has four guys that don't sing? Mount Rushmore
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1967 C10 1980 Jeep CJ5 2020 Toyota 4Runner 2024 Toyota Tundra |
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04-27-2020, 10:03 AM
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#11 |
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Equal opportunity joke ofender
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,135
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Re: Joke Thread
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her one word: comfortable." The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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04-27-2020, 10:26 AM
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#12 |
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Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: China Spring, TX
Posts: 7,280
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Re: Joke Thread
I told the only joke I knew on another thread. It didnt go over so well so . . .
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Master Chief, US Navy, Retired 1964 C10 Step-side Short Bed - In Progress 2009 2500HD Duramax LTZ 1948 GMC Panel 1956 Big Window Stepside 1953 5 Window Chevy Stepside 1932 Coupe New Seat Foam for Bench Seats? |
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04-27-2020, 11:54 AM
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#13 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 3,226
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Re: Joke Thread
.
Two ropes walk into a bar. Bartender says we don't serve your kind here so they leave. One rope says I got an idea so he ties himself into a knot and frays one of his ends then goes back into the bar. Bartender says hey, aren't you a rope. Rope says nope, I'm a frayed knot. -klb
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67 C10 fleet fuel injected '70 402, 700r4, 3.73 posi 07 335 sport turbo 6sp 94 Trans Am GT LT1 6sp posi -- sold after 22yrs 99 540 sport V8 6sp -- sold 73 240z L24 4sp -- given to friend 68 C10 step 350/350 3.73 open -- sold |
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04-27-2020, 11:56 AM
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#14 |
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducked.
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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04-27-2020, 02:29 PM
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#15 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,978
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Re: Joke Thread
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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04-27-2020, 02:40 PM
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#16 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,978
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Re: Joke Thread
When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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04-27-2020, 02:52 PM
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#17 |
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
I laid awake all night wondering where the sun went.
Finally it dawned on me.
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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04-27-2020, 03:01 PM
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#18 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,978
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Re: Joke Thread
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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04-27-2020, 03:14 PM
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#19 |
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R.I.P. E.S.L.L.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA.
Posts: 11,418
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Re: Joke Thread
Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
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1971 Custom C/20  1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God. |
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04-27-2020, 03:24 PM
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#20 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,978
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Re: Joke Thread
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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04-27-2020, 04:35 PM
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#21 |
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
Three people can sit together without violating social distancing, because there is six feet between them.
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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04-27-2020, 05:30 PM
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#22 | |
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Who Changed This?
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,708
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
I'll change it to wife, though.Anyone ever notice that if you're trying to figure out what the ants are doing on the sidewalk, and you get real close to look with your magnifying glass, that they start to smoke?
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~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA |
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04-27-2020, 06:46 PM
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#23 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Altoona, PA
Posts: 837
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Re: Joke Thread
Where do you take a peek a boo accident ??
The I.C.U.
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just a paint guy working hard and driving GMC's |
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04-27-2020, 06:55 PM
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#24 |
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Catchy title goes here..
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 39,767
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Re: Joke Thread
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them |
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04-27-2020, 08:39 PM
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#25 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,978
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Re: Joke Thread
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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