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#26 |
Special Order
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Location: Mt Airy, MD
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Re: Joke Thread
Great stuff so far. Richard's is the best, if you ask me. Go figure
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This drunk is broke and wants a beer, so he staggers into a bar. He tells the bartender "Ef you gib me ona dem darts an pudda dollar on the wawl I'll pudda dart in George's eye" The bartender figures what the heck. The night's slow and this could be fun. He pins a dollar on the wall, gives the drunk a dart, the drunk tosses the dollar and the dart sticks in George's eye. Amazed, the bartender gives the drunk his beer, tells him drink up and get out of here, then says he won the prize, and hands him a turtle he found behind the bar. The drunk staggers off with his turtle. The next night, same thing except it's a different bartender. The drunk offers the same deal, the bartender goes for it, dart in eye, he hands the beer and says get lost when he's done. The drunk says "The other bartender gave me a prize" and the bartender asks what the prize was. The drunk answers "A rare roast beef on a hard roll"
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"BUILDING A BETTER WAY TO SERVE THE USA"......67/72......"The New Breed" GMC '67 C1500 Wideside Super Custom SWB: 327/M22/3.42 posi.........."The '67" (project) GMC '72 K2500 Wideside Sierra Custom Camper: 350/TH350/4.10 Power-Lok..."The '72" (rolling) Tim "Don't call me a redneck. I'm a rough cut country gentleman" R.I.P. ~ East Side Low Life ~ El Jay ~ 72BLUZ ~ Fasteddie69 ~ Ron586 ~ 67ChevyRedneck ~ Grumpy Old Man ~ Last edited by special-K; 04-27-2020 at 08:59 PM. |
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#27 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.” “Wow, that’s really expensive isn’t it?” “Yes. What’s your third question?”
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#28 |
Senior Member
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Location: TN.
Posts: 8,099
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Re: Joke Thread
Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?
Its because one side has more geese. .
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#29 |
R.I.P. E.S.L.L.
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA.
Posts: 11,419
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Re: Joke Thread
Tom Brady was working out in a public park and was asked to leave due to social distancing.
He left quietly but when the officers returned to their car all the tires were flat.
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1971 Custom C/20 ![]() 1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God. |
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#30 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#31 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
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Re: Joke Thread
My grandfather died because the doctors didn't know his blood type.
But he was cheerful to the end. His last words to me were "Be Positive!"
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#32 |
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Thread
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#33 | |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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#34 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#35 |
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Re: Joke Thread
Speaking of the silly old bear....
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh
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71 C10 72 K20 72 K10 Super Kirk |
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#36 |
Senior Member
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Re: Joke Thread
Guy goes to a costume party wearing just a red polo shirt. They threw him out, guess dressing like Winnie the Pooh is offensive to some
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71 C10 72 K20 72 K10 Super Kirk |
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#37 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#38 |
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Monroe,Iowa
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Re: Joke Thread
My wife came home from shopping and tried on her new jeans.
She slowly turned around in front of me and asked- Do you think these make my Butt look Fat? I shrugged my shoulders and said No Not Really but I don' think that bowl of Ice Cream every Night is doing you any Good! Then the fight started |
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#39 |
laying low
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Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,235
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Re: Joke Thread
Germans now?
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Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
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#40 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
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Re: Joke Thread
Two rules for success:
1. Never reveal everything that you know.
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#41 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#42 | |
Who Changed This?
![]() Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,397
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
I worked as a designer for many years. You don't purposely leave something off a design drawing, as there are always enough pitfalls without designing in your own. Had I been in a position of higher authority, I'd have had him fired, because what he did was basically sabotage. OK, that's no joke. Back on track! A termite walks into a saloon, and inquires, "Say, where is the bartender?"
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~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA Last edited by Steeveedee; 04-29-2020 at 12:03 PM. |
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#43 | |
Senior Member
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Location: TN.
Posts: 8,099
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
How did the Rooster cross the Road? He Walked. .
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#44 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
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Re: Joke Thread
A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "Shhh! They're right behind you!"
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#45 |
Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Aiea,HI
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Re: Joke Thread
George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...
George Clooney said, "I'll direct." Dicaprio said, "I'll produce." And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write." |
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#46 |
Catchy title goes here..
![]() Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 39,743
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Re: Joke Thread
Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
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#47 |
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Catskill Mountains,NY
Posts: 8,478
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Re: Joke Thread
Easier to light a fire with an iPad. A Lithium ion battery when punctured catch fire very quickly .
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#48 | |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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__________________
Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#49 |
Special Order
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Location: Mt Airy, MD
Posts: 85,859
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Re: Joke Thread
I'm laughing ova heeya! This ipad humas rich I tell ya!! Burning up awredi.Is that what happened to the hair on the side between the beard and top knot?
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"BUILDING A BETTER WAY TO SERVE THE USA"......67/72......"The New Breed" GMC '67 C1500 Wideside Super Custom SWB: 327/M22/3.42 posi.........."The '67" (project) GMC '72 K2500 Wideside Sierra Custom Camper: 350/TH350/4.10 Power-Lok..."The '72" (rolling) Tim "Don't call me a redneck. I'm a rough cut country gentleman" R.I.P. ~ East Side Low Life ~ El Jay ~ 72BLUZ ~ Fasteddie69 ~ Ron586 ~ 67ChevyRedneck ~ Grumpy Old Man ~ |
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#50 |
Catchy title goes here..
![]() Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 39,743
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Re: Joke Thread
My doctor told me I have an unhealthy obsession with iPads.
So he gave me some tablets. |
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