Joke Thread

[68bowtie]

I said I don’t know.

He said...

Because he got stuck in a crack.

[72 tigger]

So did this letter 😁

[72 tigger]

Truth

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by 72 tigger

Truth

You in some trouble, boy!

[Palf70Step]

but

[richard2717]

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
And that's when he shot her.

[1976gmc20]

No joke: about 10 or 15 years ago we had a big lightning storm come through and start dozens of fires. Of course everyone in the area was called out. While we were headed over there for mutual aid, we heard on the radio that one fire truck (another dept) had rear ended another fire truck in thick smoke. Two trucks out of action plus there were injuries so even more folks had to be called off fire duty and put on EMT hats to run an ambulance to Billings. Since there were injuries even though it was on a back road, MHP had to be called to "investigate." The nearest one was about two hours away as usual, and by then it was dark and the trooper car hit a racoon about 10 minutes from the scene and took out the oil pan.

(just noticed this post is # 3030 )

[68bowtie]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

No joke: about 10 or 15 years ago we had a big lightning storm come through and start dozens of fires. Of course everyone in the area was called out. While we were headed over there for mutual aid, we heard on the radio that one fire truck (another dept) had rear ended another fire truck in thick smoke. Two trucks out of action plus there were injuries so even more folks had to be called off fire duty and put on EMT hats to run an ambulance to Billings. Since there were injuries even though it was on a back road, MHP had to be called to "investigate." The nearest one was about two hours away as usual, and by then it was dark and the trooper car hit a racoon about 10 minutes from the scene and took out the oil pan.

(just noticed this post is # 3030 )

That was one tough raccoon.

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by 68bowtie

That was one tough raccoon.

Tougher than an impala, apparently

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

Tougher than an impala, apparently

Probably a crossbreed with that jackalope posted elsewhere.

[1976gmc20]

Tough!

[truckster]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

Tough!

My school is full of jeans like that and even worse. Occasionally I'll ask one of the young ladies, "Did they catch it?" They'll look at me really curiously and ask,
"Did they catch what?" My answer is usually, "The dog that ripped your pants."

I still patch my old work Levis when they get a hole in them (always in the left knee). I can't understand buying new clothes and purposely destroying them, but I guess it's because I'm old.

[Boog]

When I was a kid even the REALLY poor folks wore clothes much better than that.

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by truckster

My school is full of jeans like that and even worse. Occasionally I'll ask one of the young ladies, "Did they catch it?" They'll look at me really curiously and ask,
"Did they catch what?" My answer is usually, "The dog that ripped your pants."

I still patch my old work Levis when they get a hole in them (always in the left knee). I can't understand buying new clothes and purposely destroying them, but I guess it's because I'm old.

Mine would get like that on the right thigh and up over the pocket when I worked at the sawmill. I never knew how much in style it would be someday

[1976gmc20]

..

[72 tigger]

...

[Palf70Step]

[richard2717]

drunk

[GOPAPA]

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

[richard2717]

PISSED OFF RITE NOW! You guys think ur hard just because u jumped me!!!! I handled every 1 of u. I pulled up to the store, as soon as I get out of the car, I got jumped!!! U think u got some good shots 2 my face, but I don't have nothing on my face. I got some marks on my arms & neck, but that ain't nothing.... Bet u weren't expecting me to swing back since it was like 10 against 1. Yeah I'm not gonna lie, I was tired & just wanted to get inside the store for help, but in my family there's no backing down! I was swinging back making sure u caught sum cracks. All I gotta say is u attacked me 1st & jumped me at the store! But CATCH ME OUTSIDE, and we can do this all day! As soon as I got in the store, I bought some Off Spray and ran back outside. They jumped me again, only this time I sprayed them... I had no choice, I hate freaking mosquitoes!! Blood suckers!!! lol... welcome to the Eastern shore

[richard2717]

trailer

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

trailer

Actually that seems like a pretty good way to tow a disabled pickup. I assume they lashed the steering wheel so it won't turn. Probably the rear tires/wheels are lying in the bed.


Also ... people make pickup bed trailers all the time. I suppose it would be reasonable to leave the cab and just pull off the front end and make a tongue out of the front of the frame, so then you would have a pickup bed trailer with a waterproof toolbox on the front

[richard2717]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

Actually that seems like a pretty good way to tow a disabled pickup. I assume they lashed the steering wheel so it won't turn. Probably the rear tires/wheels are lying in the bed.


Also ... people make pickup bed trailers all the time. I suppose it would be reasonable to leave the cab and just pull off the front end and make a tongue out of the front of the frame, so then you would have a pickup bed trailer with a waterproof toolbox on the front

I have 2 pickup body trailers here now. they come in handy for small stuff and are simple to make.

Only issue I see with the pic above is turning capability. You would really need to be careful to not hit bumpers turning, but other than that I would have no issue towing something like that.

[1976gmc20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

I have 2 pickup body trailers here now. they come in handy for small stuff and are simple to make.

Only issue I see with the pic above is turning capability. You would really need to be careful to not hit bumpers turning, but other than that I would have no issue towing something like that.

One night we lost the steering in our VW bug and had to walk home. Next day I went over there with the log truck (without the trailer) and jacked up the front of of the car with a Handyman jack and set the bumper up on the pintle hitch and then chained it to the truck frame.

Made for a workable tow truck but it was only a couple of miles. And no I don't have any pictures - that was back in the buy film and develop days. Somewhere in a box there are some pictures of putting a different chassis under the VW body.

I had a friend that moved a cabover camper with a pickup bed trailer and that was scary! Just pivoting on the ball without the front axle it leaned back and forth so much that I thought it was going to turn over.

[Keith Seymore]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

Actually that seems like a pretty good way to tow a disabled pickup. I assume they lashed the steering wheel so it won't turn. Probably the rear tires/wheels are lying in the bed.


Also ... people make pickup bed trailers all the time. I suppose it would be reasonable to leave the cab and just pull off the front end and make a tongue out of the front of the frame, so then you would have a pickup bed trailer with a waterproof toolbox on the front

LOL!

And - at least they had the presence of mind to add safety chains.

I had totally forgotten about this but you all have reminded me: when I was but a youth I towed by girlfriend's (now wife) VW bug kind of like that. The front suspension had rusted out and so I picked the front of the car up and set the bumper on the trailer hitch, lifting it just enough to tow it home.

Looking back: (a) that seems like a really bad idea, since the rear bumper was always falling off, and (b) I don't remember how I fixed the suspension, or how I prevented it from doing that on the other side.

It's all just a blur....

K