Joke Thread

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by cg

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[72c20customcamper]

1,2

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by 72c20customcamper

1,2

This is what my dog does

She must have got the Memo









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[1976gmc20]

laugh

[GOPAPA]

[QUOTE=special-K;8726516]Ok, here we go again. Just jokes and replies to them please. Let's see what you've got. They don't have to be the greatest jokes, so no need to worry.
See? Not worried:

TIM...How about the ones that make you mad?
I worked hard all day taking out this motor from my ol pickup truck and then hurried to get to the barbeque at the neighbors ,, REALLY NOW !!! is this on purpose ?

[richard2717]

kill

[FleetsidePaul]

I don't know why this cracks me up. But it does.

[Getter-Done]

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[Keith Seymore]

Ooh. I was just going to ride my cub cadet right into Walmart, but I may have to adjust my plans!

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Keith Seymore

Ooh. I was just going to ride my cub cadet right into Walmart, but I may have to adjust my plans!

Cool, but I hope I never need one...

[CG]

The real Car 54 ... Herman Munster among many other roles. Ah the good old days. So many shows I remember but they must have been reruns ... Im old but not that old ... am I? Haha!

[truckster]

Dang, I'm old...

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by truckster

Dang, I'm old...

Yeah, me too...

[richard2717]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[richard2717]

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."
Mr "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine,
thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Mr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Mr Young: " Aaagh !! this is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Mr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Mr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Mr Young: "Oh, no you don't, that is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back.
That will be $500.”
Mr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Mr Young: "My eyesight has become weak ---I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Mr Young: "But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! ; that will be $500.”
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer".

[FleetsidePaul]

[1976gmc20]

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[1976gmc20]

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[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

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Oh, that's great!!!

[Getter-Done]

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[Getter-Done]

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[Getter-Done]

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[1976gmc20]

moo

[1976gmc20]

ah-hah!