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#676 |
Senior Member
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Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,901
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Re: Joke Thread
Dang, I'm old...
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I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
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#677 |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
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Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,088
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Re: Joke Thread
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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#678 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Motor City
Posts: 9,194
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Re: Joke Thread
My dad figured out that the little springs in those were perfect for recurving distributors.
You could couldn't find one of those racks in the shop that didn't go "bzzzzttt" and pile the whole towel on the floor. K
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Chevrolet Flint Assembly 1979-1986 GM Full Size Truck Engineering 1986 - 2019 Intro from an Old Assembly Guy: http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=342926 My Pontiac story: http://forums.maxperformanceinc.com/...d.php?t=560524 Chevelle intro: http://www.superchevy.com/features/s...hevy-chevelle/ |
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#679 | |
Senior Member
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Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#680 |
Who Changed This?
![]() Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,384
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Re: Joke Thread
Premise: Most people will swim in the ocean, even though there are many human corpses in it.
Premise: Most people will NOT swim in a pool with a single human corpse in it. Conclusion: There is a corpse-to-water ratio that most people find acceptable.
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~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA |
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#681 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,011
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Re: Joke Thread
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:
Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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#682 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,011
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Re: Joke Thread
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000." Mr "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. Mr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Mr Young: " Aaagh !! this is petrol!” Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Mr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Mr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Mr Young: "Oh, no you don't, that is petrol!” Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500.” Mr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Mr Young: "My eyesight has become weak ---I can hardly see anything!!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill) Mr Young: "But this is only $10! Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! ; that will be $500.” Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer".
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Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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#683 |
R.I.P. E.S.L.L.
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA.
Posts: 11,419
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Re: Joke Thread
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1971 Custom C/20 ![]() 1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God. |
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#684 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
/*
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#685 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
/*
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#686 |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
![]() Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,088
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Re: Joke Thread
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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#687 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
.
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#688 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
.
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#689 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
.
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#690 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
.
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________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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#691 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
moo
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#692 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
ah-hah!
__________________
Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#693 |
Registered User
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Montana
Posts: 3,696
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Re: Joke Thread
"anything"
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Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner |
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#694 |
Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Manlius, NY
Posts: 1,698
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Re: Joke Thread
So True!
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#695 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,011
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Re: Joke Thread
mock
__________________
Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
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#696 |
R.I.P. E.S.L.L.
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA.
Posts: 11,419
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Re: Joke Thread
A guy is sitting with his wife. She asks. Would you remarry if I died?
He told her the he didn't want to talk about it. But she persisted. He finally said. Yes. I probably would She asked would you sell the house? No. There's nothing wrong with the house. Would you sell our bed? No. there's nothing wrong with the bed. Would you give her my golf clubs? No. She's left handed.
__________________
1971 Custom C/20 ![]() 1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God. |
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#697 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,217
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Re: Joke Thread
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Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
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#698 | |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
![]() Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,088
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
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#699 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,217
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Re: Joke Thread
A big nose is no excuse for no mask.
I mean, I still wear underwear!
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Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
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#700 | |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,075
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Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
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__________________
________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
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