Joke Thread - Page 29 - The 1947 - Present Chevrolet & GMC Truck Message Board Network

**FleetsidePaul** · 05-27-2021, 02:31 AM

Two drunk guys walk into a bar and proceed to get even more intoxicated to the point that one guy barfs all over his shirt.

He looks in horror. My wife is going to kill me.

His friend says not to worry. Just put this $10 bill in your pocket and tell your wife someone bumped into you and barfed on your shirt and felt bad. So he gave you $10 to get it cleaned.

So when he gets home his wife is yelling at him. He tells his wife the story. He says the guy felt bad about barfing on his shirt and gave him $10. He tells her to check his pocket.

She pulls out the bill and says this is $20

Yeah. He nods. He also sh*t in my pants.

**oldiron** · 05-27-2021, 05:26 AM

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
"God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

**oldiron** · 05-27-2021, 05:29 AM

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself.
As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot Bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice from heaven asked, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well", said the Voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."

**Boog** · 05-27-2021, 07:50 AM

Social distancing has been particularly stressful on the Flat Earth Society.
They fear such measures will push someone over the edge..

**Boog** · 05-27-2021, 07:55 AM

Veterinary clinic signs

I don't always neuter dogs.
But when I do
I take Dos Testes

1976gmc20 · 05-27-2021, 07:53 PM

wood you look at that!

**Steeveedee** · 05-27-2021, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

wood you look at that!

Except that it's OSB.

1976gmc20 · 05-27-2021, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

Except that it's OSB.

That's okay - just gonna use it for his Porch

**Steeveedee** · 05-27-2021, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1976gmc20

That's okay - just gonna use it for his Porch

Oh, damn!

1976gmc20 · 05-27-2021, 11:07 PM

nuts are good to eat

1976gmc20 · 05-27-2021, 11:46 PM

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”

The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
The first guy says, “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?”

The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first guy responds, “Sure and begorrah, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?”

The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
The first guy says, “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?”

The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”
The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.”
The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.”

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
The guy asks, “Why do you say that?”

“The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

**Boog** · 05-28-2021, 12:21 AM

Oh, I like that one.

1976gmc20 · 05-28-2021, 10:31 AM

McGillicuddy told O'Brien, "One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in December."

**Ol Blue K20** · 05-28-2021, 10:35 AM

**Getter-Done** · 05-28-2021, 10:07 PM

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**68bowtie** · 05-30-2021, 03:30 PM

Took this pic today... lol

**FleetsidePaul** · 05-31-2021, 08:20 AM

I went to a hypnotist to quit smoking. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up.
It's very embarrassing right after sex.
It's pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

**richard2717** · 06-02-2021, 06:49 AM

pass

**Ol Blue K20** · 06-02-2021, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717

pass

Oops!

**richard2717** · 06-02-2021, 09:27 AM

flare

**Ol Blue K20** · 06-02-2021, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717

flare

That's funny, it took a bunch of work though...

**Palf70Step** · 06-02-2021, 10:45 AM

It looks like it will hold up well too. On a ole 4x4 beater like that, I think it looks good.

SCOTI · 06-02-2021, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Palf70Step

It looks like it will hold up well too. On a ole 4x4 beater like that, I think it looks good.

x2.

For a true off road vehicle, it's functional & impact resistant which is what matters.

1976gmc20 · 06-02-2021, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richard2717

pass

Capital or Capitol ???

1976gmc20 · 06-02-2021, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SCOTI

x2.

For a true off road vehicle, it's functional & impact resistant which is what matters.

I've thought about that wide flat industrial belting for fender liner ...?

05-27-2021, 02:31 AM	#701
FleetsidePaul R.I.P. E.S.L.L. Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA. Posts: 11,419	Re: Joke Thread Two drunk guys walk into a bar and proceed to get even more intoxicated to the point that one guy barfs all over his shirt. He looks in horror. My wife is going to kill me. His friend says not to worry. Just put this $10 bill in your pocket and tell your wife someone bumped into you and barfed on your shirt and felt bad. So he gave you $10 to get it cleaned. So when he gets home his wife is yelling at him. He tells his wife the story. He says the guy felt bad about barfing on his shirt and gave him $10. He tells her to check his pocket. She pulls out the bill and says this is $20 Yeah. He nods. He also sht in my pants. __________________ 1971 Custom C/20* 1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God.

05-27-2021, 05:26 AM	#702
oldiron Designated Grumpy Old Man Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: arlington, washington usa Posts: 3,095	Re: Joke Thread A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk. __________________ Never let the truth get in the way of a good story 71 Chev 1/2 ton 4X4 LWB Fleetside SOLD http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=361222 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LgREwtDfaA 68 Chev 1 ton flat bed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bO8szzlD4A 56 Chev Handyman Wagon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y-6ddpBTkM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbLzZ7zY8wA 56 Chev Belair http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=410667 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoW0Ei7ZNIg

05-27-2021, 05:29 AM	#703
oldiron Designated Grumpy Old Man Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: arlington, washington usa Posts: 3,095	Re: Joke Thread An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot Bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice from heaven asked, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well", said the Voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen." __________________ Never let the truth get in the way of a good story 71 Chev 1/2 ton 4X4 LWB Fleetside SOLD http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=361222 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LgREwtDfaA 68 Chev 1 ton flat bed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bO8szzlD4A 56 Chev Handyman Wagon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y-6ddpBTkM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbLzZ7zY8wA 56 Chev Belair http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=410667 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoW0Ei7ZNIg

05-27-2021, 07:50 AM	#704
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 13,441	Re: Joke Thread Social distancing has been particularly stressful on the Flat Earth Society. They fear such measures will push someone over the edge.. __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

05-27-2021, 07:55 AM	#705
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 13,441	Re: Joke Thread Veterinary clinic signs I don't always neuter dogs. But when I do I take Dos Testes __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

05-27-2021, 07:53 PM	#706
1976gmc20 Registered User Join Date: May 2015 Location: Montana Posts: 3,696	Re: Joke Thread wood you look at that! Attached Images __________________ Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner

05-27-2021, 11:07 PM	#710
1976gmc20 Registered User Join Date: May 2015 Location: Montana Posts: 3,696	Re: Joke Thread nuts are good to eat Attached Images __________________ Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner

05-27-2021, 11:46 PM	#711
1976gmc20 Registered User Join Date: May 2015 Location: Montana Posts: 3,696	Re: Joke Thread Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.” The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!” The first guy says, “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?” The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.” The first guy responds, “Sure and begorrah, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?” The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.” The first guy says, “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?” The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.” The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?” The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.” The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.” About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.” The guy asks, “Why do you say that?” “The Murphy twins are drunk again.” __________________ Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner

05-28-2021, 12:21 AM	#712
Boog laying low Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Searcy, Ark. USA Posts: 13,441	Re: Joke Thread Oh, I like that one. __________________ Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross

05-28-2021, 10:31 AM	#713
1976gmc20 Registered User Join Date: May 2015 Location: Montana Posts: 3,696	Re: Joke Thread McGillicuddy told O'Brien, "One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in December." __________________ Current/past Chevy/GMC trucks: 1958 Chevy C-60; 1965 GMC C-50; 1965 Chevy C-10; 1971 Chevy K-10; 1973 Chevy K-20; 1976 GMC C-20; 1977 Chevy C-10 Suburban; 1980 Chevy K-10; 1989 Chevy K1500; 1991 GMC V1500 Suburban; 2016 Chevy K2500 HD Other vehicles: 1988 Jeep XJ; 2011 Toyota 4Runner

05-28-2021, 10:35 AM	#714
Ol Blue K20 Proprietor of Dale's Corner Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Vacaville , CA Posts: 16,242	Re: Joke Thread __________________ "Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man R.I.P. FleetsidePaul

05-28-2021, 10:07 PM	#715
Getter-Done Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: TN. Posts: 8,314	Re: Joke Thread . . __________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build

05-30-2021, 03:30 PM	#716
68bowtie Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Turlock, CA Posts: 8,739	Re: Joke Thread Took this pic today... lol Attached Images __________________ Please help my sister in law with her battle with cancer https://gofund.me/902f6fce Project "C10 Fever" (68 factory black 396 swb) Project "Little Sister" (70 c10 blue original paint refresh) Project "Blue Bomb" (70 c30 blue original paint refresh) SOLD Project "Vitamin C" (71 c10 orange original paint refresh) SOLD

05-31-2021, 08:20 AM	#717
FleetsidePaul R.I.P. E.S.L.L. Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Kernville CA./ Lake Isabella CA. Posts: 11,419	Re: Joke Thread I went to a hypnotist to quit smoking. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. It's pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them. __________________ 1971 Custom C/20 1970 CST 20 1970 C/30 Flatbed 1983 C/30 Dually 2015 Corvette Z51 2021 Corvette Z51 1991 Cadillac Hearse 1982 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz 2000 Porsche Boxster S 2020 Jeep Gladiator 1973 VW Thing 1973 Plymouth Satellite wagon 1963 Baja Bug 1959 Bug Dune Buggy 1970 Baja Bug 1987 Jaguar XJ 350. R.I.P. El Jay R.I.P Jessie. R.I.P Grumpy. Every day is a gift from God.

06-02-2021, 06:49 AM	#718
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 10,091	Re: Joke Thread pass Attached Images __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.



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06-02-2021, 09:27 AM	#720
richard2717 Equal opportunity joke ofender Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Eastern Shore of MD Posts: 10,091	Re: Joke Thread flare Attached Images __________________ Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.

06-02-2021, 10:45 AM	#722
Palf70Step State of Confusion! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Gulfport, MS USA Posts: 47,082	Re: Joke Thread It looks like it will hold up well too. On a ole 4x4 beater like that, I think it looks good. __________________ Bill 1970 Chevy Custom/10 LWB Fleetside 2010 Toyota Tacoma PreRunner SR5 Double Cab - DD Member of Louisiana Classic Truck Club (LCTC) Bill's Gallery Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God!

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