Joke Thread

[FleetsidePaul]

Originally Posted by weq92f

.

This is kinda neat...

Brilliant.

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by weq92f

.

This is kinda neat...

I love it!!

[richard2717]

Some men are real clods when they attempt to be romantic. Other men don’t even try. In the following account, a wife thought her husband was being romantic until he said the wrong thing.
A woman awoke in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs to look for him
She found him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watched as he wiped away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispered as she stepped into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looked up from his drink. “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”
She couldn’t believe he had remembered and started to tear up.
The husband continued. “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.
Once again the wife was touched to tears thinking that her husband was so caring and sensitive.
“Yes, I do,” she replied.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
“I remember that, too,” she replied softly.
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today”
This is the kind of anniversary a husband should just not mention to a wife.

[Steeveedee]

mask!

[Ol Blue K20]

That mask gives me clausterphobia!

[Stocker]

Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20

That mask gives me clausterphobia!

It gives me the heebie-jeebies!

[Steeveedee]

My youngest brother had radiation treatments for laryngeal cancer. They made a mask to the shape of his head. When he was getting the radiation, the mask was screwed to the table so he couldn't move his head and mess up the way the doses were delivered. You'd have to drug me to sleep to do that to me.

[crazy longhorn]

This a true story.....when I was 10 or 12 yrs old, my dad walked into the bathroom , when I was taking a leak. He said (kid if you shake it more that 3 times, you are playing with it)! Well, he was 30 yrs old....I guess that, he could not tell me that after 60yrs old, that you could shake it all you wanted & you still were not playing with it Longhorn

[72c20customcamper]

Funny but very true

[weq92f]

Originally Posted by 72c20customcamper

Funny but very true

.

That bit about it all being true is not funny. Not funny at all.

[Steeveedee]

pizza

[kwmech]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

pizza

Well some where along the line there must have been an issue to require that---scary

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

pizza

Originally Posted by kwmech

Well some where along the line there must have been an issue to require that---scary

This may have started it









,,,....////

[Ol Blue K20]

Haven't they heard of cardboard pizza?

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by kwmech

Well some where along the line there must have been an issue to require that---scary

It's like all those warnings about how the contents of some package are hot, after taking them from the oven or microwave (oven) or after pouring boiling water into the container. Really!? Duh.

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20

Haven't they heard of cardboard pizza?

I forget which company makes that pizza, I think Little Caesar's. One of my sons buys it. I call it cardboard pizza, and if he buys it and brings it home, I won't eat it. Not even for free, and that's going some, amirite?

[dmjlambert]

My brother knew a guy who made his living doing stuff that he was not warned against. Hmm, what is this little packet of silica gel. Eat it, sue for getting sick, make money. So now the packets of silica gel have "Do not eat" printed on them. Problem solved. He must have received a pizza delivery and ate the whole thing box and all, and then sued because it didn't digest very well.

[Getter-Done]

.







,,,....///

[richard2717]

Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.
It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
"If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.
The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"

[CG]

Before there were warnings on every plastic bag ...

This was on an episode of Mad Men, hang on fixing the link =)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbgSFzpN5FA&t=2s

[Steeveedee]

porcupine

[Gregski]

and that was some time ago

[71CHEVYSHORTBED402]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

I forget which company makes that pizza, I think Little Caesar's. One of my sons buys it. I call it cardboard pizza, and if he buys it and brings it home, I won't eat it. Not even for free, and that's going some, amirite?

I will never eat that again. Last stop was 6 years ago, for a friendly on my lunch hour. Personally I haven't had it in ages. I stepped out of my truck too close to a gallon+ in pizza/soda? puke on the pavement, everywhere. Pizza Hut too, just not as bad. My son brought home a hut, and by smell I warned him not to eat it. I took one bite too, no freaking way, you know "Smell like dog sit taste like dog sit" (Cheech & Chong). That night into the next day he wished he hadn't.

[Warrens69GMC]

You guys need to check out Little Caesar's stuffed crust pizza. They have changed a lot in the last 6 years, except on the least (cheap) pizzas. Stuffed crust is 9.99 here

[71CHEVYSHORTBED402]

I don't know if this is a repeat but might be worth it anyway....I told my "barber" she should watch this sometime, she's pretty hot

The Crazy Hot Matrix - YouTube