Joke Thread

[Getter-Done]

.
They didn't earn a Badge ,but they never forgot that day..

If it's your wife you are counting because of, Just keep Counting,Don't react

What's your next move?????

Proceed with caution

[Sheepdip]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his
truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't
live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and
bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by
the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a
goose.



However, struggling outside the store he now had a
problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.



While he was scratching his head he was approached by a
little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked,
'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'



The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is
very close to that house I would walk you there but I
can't carry this lot.'



The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of
paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a
chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other
hand?'



'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk
the old girl home.



On the way, he says 'Let's take my shortcut and go down
this alley. We'll be there in no time.'



The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How
do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me
up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way
with me?'



The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a
bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I
possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with
the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll
hold the chickens.'

[richard2717]

In Texas, there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted, "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have **** in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Biden's Presidential run. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied" use both hands"

[richard2717]

Just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 22nd time

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by richard2717

Just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 22nd time

I will get in line for the next selling of your Pigeon.



Just Kidding

[72 tigger]

Pooh bear

[71CHEVYSHORTBED402]

Office Boss with Cameron Diaz - SNL - YouTube

[richard2717]

advise

[richard2717]

lost

[Warrens69GMC]

Originally Posted by richard2717

lost

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by richard2717

lost

Please explain to us how you got in the ball pit

[Getter-Done]

.

[72c20customcamper]

...

[richard2717]

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"

[Shifty One]

[Getter-Done]

'

[richard2717]

gallon

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

gallon

nice!

[Boog]

Hmmm

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Boog

Hmmm

Bannana...fffffft......

[Getter-Done]

BOOG
I saved this one

I could have used that Today

[Getter-Done]

[Boog]

Wait. What? Was that at a Georgia Lowes or Home Depot?

[SCOTI]

Originally Posted by Boog

Wait. What? Was that at a Georgia Lowes or Home Depot?

Looks like a Lowes vest to me.

[richard2717]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."