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Old 12-29-2021, 03:59 PM   #1151
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Re: Joke Thread

I managed to be the first caller in to a radio station to answer a simple question and win a prize. I teach math at the local high school, but I'm also pretty knowledgeable, all around.

Host- "Welcome to show! The prize is two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert and a back stage pass to meet him, after!"

Host- "Tell me, what is two plus two?"

Me- Seven.
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Old 12-29-2021, 04:09 PM   #1152
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Re: Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steeveedee View Post
I managed to be the first caller in to a radio station to answer a simple question and win a prize. I teach math at the local high school, but I'm also pretty knowledgeable, all around.

Host- "Welcome to show! The prize is two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert and a back stage pass to meet him, after!"

Host- "Tell me, what is two plus two?"

Me- Seven.

That sounds like a reasonable answer. The answer equals the value of the prize....

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Old 12-30-2021, 11:09 AM   #1153
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Re: Joke Thread

fraud
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Old 12-30-2021, 11:26 AM   #1154
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Re: Joke Thread

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fraud
Yep, it's hard to tell them apart!
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Old 12-30-2021, 08:19 PM   #1155
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Re: Joke Thread

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fraud
I'll be right back... I'm just going to check something in the garage...
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Old 12-30-2021, 11:12 PM   #1156
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Re: Joke Thread

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fraud
Thanks for posting

Mine is the Real Deal.

And it is not for sale

This is NOT a for sale add.

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Old 12-31-2021, 10:30 AM   #1157
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Re: Joke Thread

a dead ringer I'd say, lol
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Old 12-31-2021, 10:57 AM   #1158
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Old 12-31-2021, 04:21 PM   #1159
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Re: Joke Thread

hoot
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Old 12-31-2021, 06:27 PM   #1160
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Re: Joke Thread

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “guys.” I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her “MIDNIGHT”… she didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked her why, she said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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Old 12-31-2021, 07:17 PM   #1161
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Re: Joke Thread

.....
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Old 12-31-2021, 11:39 PM   #1162
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Re: Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by richard2717 View Post
The other night I was invited out for a night with the “guys.” I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her “MIDNIGHT”… she didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked her why, she said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
That’s pretty good
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Old 01-03-2022, 09:43 AM   #1163
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Re: Joke Thread

With the cost of used trucks nowadays I finally found the one I can afford. Gets better gas mileage too

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Old 01-03-2022, 11:44 AM   #1164
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Re: Joke Thread

I knew I should have held out. It happens every time i buy something. I could have gotten this gooseneck setup instead


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Old 01-03-2022, 01:10 PM   #1165
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Re: Joke Thread

Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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Old 01-03-2022, 09:45 PM   #1166
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Re: Joke Thread

...
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Old 01-04-2022, 09:31 AM   #1167
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Re: Joke Thread

Good ones!
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Old 01-07-2022, 08:11 PM   #1168
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Re: Joke Thread

.
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Old 01-07-2022, 08:15 PM   #1169
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Re: Joke Thread

^ What's it got? Negative calories?
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Old 01-07-2022, 08:21 PM   #1170
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Re: Joke Thread

It's Hydrogen infused

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Old 01-08-2022, 03:01 AM   #1171
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Re: Joke Thread

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It's Hydrogen infused

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Old 01-08-2022, 10:04 AM   #1172
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Re: Joke Thread

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DiHydrogen Oxide
Careful, that stuff can rust your pipes. Better to stick with Barley Pop.
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Old 01-08-2022, 11:07 AM   #1173
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Careful, that stuff can rust your pipes. Better to stick with Barley Pop.
Yup
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Old 01-08-2022, 12:40 PM   #1174
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Old 01-08-2022, 12:46 PM   #1175
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Re: Joke Thread

^ My dad re-piped our house back in the '70s. He bought 16 or 20 foot sections of galvanized pipe and tied them to the underside of his '66 Dodge wagon, and drove home carefully, about 5 miles. Wouldn't be able to do that with those big pipes, though.
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