Joke Thread

[kwmech]

Originally Posted by Stocker

Careful, that stuff can rust your pipes. Better to stick with Barley Pop.

The Invisible Killer

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

Dihydrogen monoxide:

is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

as an industrial solvent and coolant.
in nuclear power plants.
in the production of styrofoam.
as a fire retardant.
in many forms of cruel animal research.
in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

The Horror Must Be Stopped!

The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation." In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

It's Not Too Late!

[truckster]

I'm not scared. I even drink it and bathe in it.

[Getter-Done]

.
Be NICE Mr. Weatherman

[Keith Seymore]

Originally Posted by truckster

I'm not scared. I even drink it and bathe in it.

I might wash my truck with it but there is no way I'm drinking that stuff!

K

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by Keith Seymore

I might wash my truck with it but there is no way I'm drinking that stuff!

K

You know that even corn squeezins is loaded with it, right? :P

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

You know that even corn squeezins is loaded with it, right? :P

So, your telling me that stuff could make it from my mash all the way through the worm into my bucket?

[57taskforce]

Originally Posted by davischevy

So, your telling me that stuff could make it from my mash all the way through the worm into my bucket?

Certainly won’t be worse than the heads.

[Boog]

ouch

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by davischevy

So, your telling me that stuff could make it from my mash all the way through the worm into my bucket?

If I understand what you're saying, yes.

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

If I understand what you're saying, yes.

Can we say moonshine?.....

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by Ol Blue K20

Can we say moonshine?.....

OK, I did not understand what he was saying.

[Boog]

That's hill speak.

[Getter-Done]

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Getter-Done

Attachment 2157310

ain't it the truth.

[richard2717]

time

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

time

clever!

[68bowtie]

playing WWF…

[FleetsidePaul]

I got a funny phone call today.

I have a land line that I never use. I usually ignore it when it rings. The phone I have attached to it has a robotic voice that announces who is calling.

Today. I'm in my office and it rings. As usual I ignore it.

Then the robot voice on the phone says " Call from LSD'

Really? LSD is calling me? I didn't think it worked that way.

It made me laugh though.

[richard2717]

bar

[richard2717]

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

[SCOTI]

^^ ^^

Those last few were chucklers for sure today.

[richard2717]

"A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

[richard2717]

idiot

[SCOTI]

Originally Posted by richard2717

idiot

Guilty (@ least once ).

[kwmech]

Originally Posted by richard2717

idiot

Done that---twice. 1st time was directly to the customer. 2nd time I said it to the wife. Got a call from the husband later on that day wanting to kick my ---- for saying I was the one who didn't know. I then asked why the car came to me?? yeah never had that customer again come to my shop. Customer wanted an 'over the phone' quote on resealing a quadtra-trac t-case. I told him about 5-600 dollars, (this was about 25 years ago) He went ballistic over the price. Told me he got a quote for the 'shop down the road' for 85. I told him good luck 'cuz the oil for that t-case was about 60.00 a quart and could only be bought at Jeep and the case hold about 2.5 quarts.