My Facetruck thread.

[davischevy]

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill
her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a
few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman,
wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[special-K]

Aw man, my stomach hurts

[Ol Blue K20]

[davischevy]

Thinking back a few years, living in Florida, I remember Hurricane Matthew.

I was ready for it but my wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable,with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever.

Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in.

[davischevy]

On my way up to Clinton, MO to pick up some pipe buggys this morning a Freightliner passed me that said Midwest Truck Sales, Lone Jack, MO. I didn't think about how close I was to Killer Bees stomping grounds until then.

[davischevy]

A man noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by davischevy

Thinking back a few years, living in Florida, I remember Hurricane Matthew.

I was ready for it but my wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, my wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable,with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever.

Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in.

Got me!! Got my girlfriend too

[davischevy]

My wife laughed at the FBI one.

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by davischevy

My wife laughed at the FBI one.

I liked that one too

[Killer Bee]

them's good funnies thank you!!

Originally Posted by davischevy

On my way up to Clinton, MO to pick up some pipe buggys this morning a Freightliner passed me that said Midwest Truck Sales, Lone Jack, MO. I didn't think about how close I was to Killer Bees stomping grounds until then.

yes sir, all over it! clinton's about an hour south of us..

there's a Midland truck on 50 hwy n F hwy across street from what used to be max's market.. not sure names of either now.. buddy and I took two giant crappie to max's when we were kids, matt won biggest for month and year and we got some free tackle for prizes..

grandma lived in clinton after grandpa passed.. they lived in lowery city in a house he built.. lived in the shed during construction.. when I was a youngin grandpa took me fishing all over truman, sparrowfoot was one of our closest favorites.. lowery city was nothing but a blink on 13 hwy.. but grandpa had a nice orchard and garden..

osceola cheese factory was a favorite stop when we'd go fishing further south.. second cousin I think he is, lives in deepwater.. uncle ran trot lines back in the trees swallowed up by the reservoir.. I ran the lines with him a few times, still remember pulling some doggone gar in the boat just because my uncle was too cheap to cut his gear LoL some of them doggone things were right scary, in the boat anyways.. 'now don't let loose of him, don't let go' he'd tell me.. it's a wonder we never got bit..

you probably came up on 13 across truman.. years ago, grandma and a church friend in her olds 98 traveling south to lowery city from clinton across one of those lake overpasses.. she got her tires over the edge of the asphalt on the shoulder and over corrected.. she shot into oncoming traffic and took the duals out from under the back of a set of doubles going the other way! of course the car was totaled, 13 was closed for hours, and grandma barely had a bruise on her, her friend only slightly worse with a few cuts and a broken arm or something minor.. she was a prayin' woman and no doubt wasn't her time that day!

[davischevy]

13 is a much better highway than it was in the fifties when we lived in Blue Springs.

It's divided highway all the way from here to there now.

[Killer Bee]

clear up through the 80s when I left for military, blue springs was the nearest traffic signal

[davischevy]

An old ad. Maybe you should have some of this shipped to the Lone Jack Farm, Killer.

[Killer Bee]

can groundhogs get asbestosis??

[special-K]

I think anything with lungs can. Whirlygigs chase off moles, so maybe some bigger ground vibrations would run the hawgs off. I'll leave that to your imagination.

Here's one I herd the other day:

A young man walks into the job center in downtown Los Angeles and sees a card advertising for a gynecolo........... uh, maybe not here. Clean as it may be, I probably said too much already. I'll leave telling to someone else if they feel it's proper for here, LD

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by special-K

I think anything with lungs can. Whirlygigs chase off moles, so maybe some bigger ground vibrations would run the hawgs off. I'll leave that to your imagination.

Here's one I herd the other day:

A young man walks into the job center in downtown Los Angeles and sees a card advertising for a gynecolo........... uh, maybe not here. Clean as it may be, I probably said too much already. I'll leave telling to someone else if they feel it's proper for here, LD

I think Special K is standing in line just west of Albuquerque.

Anybody that wants to be on the inside on this joke will have to PM me their email address.

[special-K]

Made it to Flagstaff this morning

[davischevy]

I ran up to Ottawa, KS to Ole Marias River Run this weekend. Drove right past the Oceola Cheese Company. Our trucks were well represented. I took a few pics. They are not the greatest work I ever did, because the sun was high and the shade was sketchy.

[davischevy]

I somehow lost a bunch of pictures, but here are a few more.

[special-K]

Looks like a nice show. I'll take the last three.

I keep reading your signature and thinking I must be diplomatic. A friend once told me another guy we both knew when we were young said this about me, "That Tim is the only person I know who can call you an a-hole in a way that leaves you wondering, did he just call me an a-hole?"

I don't know if anyone noticed I reversed my signature back in spring. I'm ready to turn it back around again so it makes a little sense maybe

[Ol Blue K20]

Looks like a good turn out. It looks like you had fun.

[Steeveedee]

Originally Posted by special-K

Looks like a nice show. I'll take the last three.

I keep reading your signature and thinking I must be diplomatic. A friend once told me another guy we both knew when we were young said this about me, "That Tim is the only person I know who can call you an a-hole in a way that leaves you wondering, did he just call me an a-hole?"

I don't know if anyone noticed I reversed my signature back in spring. I'm ready to turn it back around again so it makes a little sense maybe

I saw where your turned it around. I was amused.

So, which is it?

[special-K]

The original. I feel so misunderstood I must define myself to the world I ain't ignernt. Just preefer simple is aw. I know what napkins is fer, I just chose not to use'em, thanky

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

I saw where your turned it around. I was amused.

So, which is it?

I noticed it too but figured it was my imagination

[slomotion]

Originally Posted by special-K

............... I know what napkins is fer, I just chose not to use'em, thanky

Napkins are sissified! Sleeves aren't for just covering up your arms........