Joke Thread

[richard2717]

Cook

[Getter-Done]

Originally Posted by richard2717

Cook

Careful
You have to fall asleep in the same house

[Boog]

As my wife regularly tells me "I know where you sleep"!

[richard2717]

sew

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

sew

How true this is.

[72 tigger]

A little lame

[Steeveedee]

This place really does need a "like" button.

[davischevy]

I was afraid if I "liked" tiggers post, I would be viewed as sadistic.

[Steeveedee]

My wife was watching "Jack Reacher", and I caught a bit of it while working on some things in the garage, going in and out of the house. If you want to see "sadistic", just watch some fight scenes on TV or in the movies. I've never seen anyone get punched on the chin in a bar and bounce back up to take more punishment...or roundhouse kicked in the back of the head, etc.

[Stocker]

Originally Posted by Steeveedee

My wife was watching "Jack Reacher", and I caught a bit of it while working on some things in the garage, going in and out of the house. If you want to see "sadistic", just watch some fight scenes on TV or in the movies. I've never seen anyone get punched on the chin in a bar and bounce back up to take more punishment...or roundhouse kicked in the back of the head, etc.

Wife & I sometimes watch old westerns. Amazing that two guys can beat the tar out of each other's faces and almost never bleed. If they do get cut or scuffed, it's usually healed by the next scene.
Men were tougher when everything was on black & white film.

[richard2717]

roy

[LockDoc]

Originally Posted by richard2717

roy

Looks more like a young Benny Hill to me....

LockDoc

[LockDoc]

-
The Truth.

[68bowtie]

Accuracy

[Steeveedee]

^ That's way wrong. A Progressive should be replaced by a Communist in that cartoon. "Woke" is a Fascist dog whistle.

[richard2717]

door

[richard2717]

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same ****ing elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bull**** stories.

[SCOTI]

Originally Posted by richard2717

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same ****ing elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bull**** stories.

[richard2717]

run

[richard2717]

REDNECK LENT
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass ... And as the Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

[Ol Blue K20]

Originally Posted by richard2717

REDNECK LENT
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass ... And as the Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Absolutely fantastic!

[Palf70Step]

[Boog]

Oh my. LMAO! That Bubba..

[68bowtie]

That made me laugh out loud

EDIT: the post is gone now…

[Palf70Step]

...