Joke Thread

[richard2717]

pete

[special-K]

That's right. Only stupid if it didn't work and plum lucky when it did. Cool truck. I'd do what I could to make that happen

[richard2717]

nana

[richard2717]

Last week, my neighbor asked me, "seeing that our houses have the same floor plan and square footage, can I ask how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy to do your family room?"
"Thirteen," I replied.
Today, he came over looking upset and said, "I've got three rolls of wallpaper left over!"
"So did I" I replied!

[Boog]

^^^^^

[special-K]

Originally Posted by richard2717

Last week, my neighbor asked me, "seeing that our houses have the same floor plan and square footage, can I ask how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy to do your family room?"
"Thirteen," I replied.
Today, he came over looking upset and said, "I've got three rolls of wallpaper left over!"
"So did I" I replied!

My kind of humor

[richard2717]

fear

[richard2717]

wok

[richard2717]

"Your Girl is worried about you talking to Kayla on Snapchat. My Wife is worried I'm talking to Leon on Facebook Marketplace about a '71 Chevy Cheyenne Truck that 'ran when parked' and just needs floor pans. We are not the same."


.

[HO455]

Originally Posted by richard2717

"Your Girl is worried about you talking to Kayla on Snapchat. My Wife is worried I'm talking to Leon on Facebook Marketplace about a '71 Chevy Cheyenne Truck that 'ran when parked' and just needs floor pans. We are not the same."


.

Wait! Leon's got his Cheyenne for sale????
How did I miss that?

[richard2717]

Bagpipes at a Funeral
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. Played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept. We all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost.... it's a man thing.

[Getter-Done]

I was a Cowboys fan in the 80's
So this would be about right??

[Boog]

Originally Posted by richard2717

Bagpipes at a Funeral
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. Played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept. We all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost.... it's a man thing.

smiff. That was bee you tee full.

[Boog]

Art and cheer leaders. ummm um.

[Getter-Done]

[richard2717]

due

[richard2717]

no snitch

[richard2717]

procharge

[Getter-Done]

[richard2717]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be 6 again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a Disney movie, with popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being 6 again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
"I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[richard2717]

I helped my neighbour out this morning and she said , I could marry you , I couldn’t believe it you do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life !

[CG]

...

[Getter-Done]

[CG]

...

[Steeveedee]

So true!