![]() |
![]() |
#2251 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,086
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2252 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,014
|
Re: Joke Thread
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.”
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one.” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset?” So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before.” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true.” He continued, “She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door.” “The blonde says, ‘Oh my god, it’s my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he’s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!’” “So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he’s bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn’t see me.” The bartender says “Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point.” “Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, ‘Who you been with now, you witch?’ The girl says, ‘Nobody, honey, now calm down. “Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I’m thinking, ‘Boy, I’m glad I didn’t hide in there.’ Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there either. Then I heard him say, ‘What’s that over there by the window?’ I think, ‘Oh God, I’m dead meat now.’ But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he’s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!” The bartender says, “Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure.” “No, that didn’t really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They’re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass.” The bartender looks at the guy’s hands and says, “Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset.” “No, that wasn’t what really got me so angry though.” The bartender then asks in exasperation, “Well, then, what did finally make you anger?” “Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down–I was only about six inches off the ground
__________________
Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2253 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,221
|
Re: Joke Thread
Yes. Now I see where they came up with the design. Coincidence?
__________________
Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2254 |
20' Daredevil (Ret)
![]() Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,623
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2255 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,903
|
Re: Joke Thread
Except the dumpster's not on fire...
![]()
__________________
I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2256 |
Who Changed This?
![]() Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,387
|
Re: Joke Thread
![]()
__________________
~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2257 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,014
|
Re: Joke Thread
bee
__________________
Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2258 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Orem, Utah
Posts: 7,903
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. - Thomas Jefferson |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2259 |
20' Daredevil (Ret)
![]() Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,623
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2260 |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
![]() Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,090
|
Re: Joke Thread
That's not the Bee Gees, It a Benny Hill skit (British comedy)
__________________
"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2261 | |
20' Daredevil (Ret)
![]() Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,623
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
![]()
__________________
- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2262 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,086
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2263 |
Post Whore
![]() Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Portland Oregon
Posts: 11,106
|
Re: Joke Thread
Since the previous joke was preempted.
__________________
Thanks to Bob and Jeanie and everyone else at Superior Performance for all their great help. ![]() RIP Bob Parks. 1967 Burban (the WMB),1988 S10 Blazer (the Stink10 II),1969 GTO (the Goat), 1970 Javelin, 1952 F2 Ford OHC six 4X4, 29 Model A, 72 Firebird (the DBP Bird). 85 Alfa Romeo If it breaks I didn't want it in the first place The WMB repair thread http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...d.php?t=698377 |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2264 | |
Who Changed This?
![]() Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,387
|
Re: Joke Thread
Quote:
![]()
__________________
~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2265 |
BlahBlahBlah
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Wa.
Posts: 19,863
|
Re: Joke Thread
![]()
__________________
… … … … … … … … ... … … … … … … … … … … … |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2266 |
20' Daredevil (Ret)
![]() Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jefferson State
Posts: 13,623
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
- Mike - 1972 K20 LWB 350/350/205 RIP El Jay |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2267 |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
![]() Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,090
|
Re: Joke Thread
__________________
"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2268 |
Senior Member
![]() Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: TN.
Posts: 8,086
|
Re: Joke Thread
This make sense
![]() ![]() There is a Guy from Tennessee that supposably, Invented the Internet. ![]() ![]() ![]()
__________________
________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ 84 Chevy K-20 63 Impala (my high school car) http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...Crew Cab Build |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2269 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,014
|
Re: Joke Thread
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'." The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word,'comfortable'? The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
__________________
Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2270 |
Equal opportunity joke ofender
![]() Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern Shore of MD
Posts: 10,014
|
Re: Joke Thread
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozy from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc. Fifteen minutes later he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice: "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!" My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
__________________
Members I have met. Dually Jams, OlBlue60, ScottH, Tommyboy24, Dujobo, Warbucket, 2003 Silverado, Notsolo, my90k5, 6t727t2, Special-K ,Jack_71C10, tabarcus,72blazer_mud_bogger,pwdcougar,RSavage,EricSean,1Rippen6,invicta455,tennaragtop71,arks, Kendal,Bennett68C10, Perpendicular, Chainsawman, McGeesCustomMinis,ShortbedClayton,longblue72,6768chevylover,Tim71,Travisarmenta,Ol' Drippy,fleetmitch,georgieb51,Dave,bcnya2,Dadsburb https://paypal.me/6772GMtruckparts Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2271 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,221
|
Re: Joke Thread
wait, what?
__________________
Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2272 |
Who Changed This?
![]() Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Simi Valley, CA
Posts: 10,387
|
Re: Joke Thread
^ The irony! It's so true...
![]()
__________________
~Steven '70 Chevy 3/4T Longhorn CST 402/400/3.56 Custom Camper Simi Valley, CA |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2273 |
Proprietor of Dale's Corner
![]() Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vacaville , CA
Posts: 16,090
|
Re: Joke Thread
Boog, you're not even from California....how did ya know?
__________________
"Some Days Chickens And Some Days Feathers" Dale XNGH ECV Sam Brannan 1004 R.I.P. 67ChevyRedneck R.I.P. Grumpy Old Man |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2274 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,221
|
Re: Joke Thread
Good thing too as I would NOT be happy!
![]() And what is up with that $24 Billion missing from the state funds anyway?
__________________
Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2275 |
laying low
![]() Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Searcy, Ark. USA
Posts: 13,221
|
Re: Joke Thread
12
This reminds me of an old guy at a lawn mower and small engine parts and repair store. It did not matter what you went in there for, if you did not have the make, model and serial #, he would not help you. I kid you not!
__________________
Boog 69 Chevy stepside, 358/T350, 4.11 posi, 4.5/4 drop, rallys, poboy driver primer is finer 91 Chevy sportside, Tahoe, Yukon & GMC Crewcab All GM..'nuff said. I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
Bookmarks |
|
|