Jokes MMXXV

[Getter-Done]

The fact that Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
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I have a pet tree.

It's a lot like having a pet dog, but the bark is much quieter.
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I told my teenage son that when I was his age, I used to get 10 CDs in the mail for a penny.

I don't know if he thought I was lying about what a CD was, what a penny was, what the mail was, or all of the above.
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If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

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My wife said, "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?"

I said, "No, I keep telling them it's for you."
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Last night, I accidentally superglued my thumb and finger together.

It'll be okay for a while.
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Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures.

It’s my face.
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A genie granted me one wish, so I wished to be happy.

Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
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I'm so jealous of people who know how to shut up.

I shut up, and subtitles come out of my face.

This is becoming a real problem for me at work...