Garage Commandments

[oldiron]

Saw these on another board and thought you would enjoy them.


May God Bless our garages and contents therein, as well as our goods works we doith in said garages!

1.The garage shall be forever kept as the sacred realm of the Man. No lacy curtains nor gingham privacy panels shall be allowed on the windows of the sacred garage.

2.The garage shall not be cleaned, except in cases of extreme need, such as when a pair of holy Vise-Grip locking pliers hath gone missing.

3.Sawdust, grease, and oil are the holy sacraments of the garage, and thus must never be disposed of in haste or with malice.

4.Honor thy rags.

5.Complaineth not when the Man's Friends cometh over to work on a four-wheel-drive vehicle on a Thursday night until 2:00 a.m. Be thee grateful that the Man and his Friends are not attending stimulating performances of voluptuous harlots at Shotgun Willies on this evening.

6.Thou shalt not remove the beer bottles from the front yard before work in the garage hath yet been completed. Yea, the front yard must be considered an extension of the garage when the garage door remaineth in an upright and horizontal position.

7.Honor the Man and his Friends at all times, even when one of these Friends dropeth a heavy steel truck wheel in the driveway at 12:30 a.m., awakening thyself and wrathful neighbors who calleth to complain.

8.Storeth not antique doll houses in the garage.

9.Thou shalt not ask the Man to bring in the groceries when you see that his hands are greasy, or that he is underneath a truck working on the evil U-joint.

10.Adjust not the volume of music that playeth in the garage. Impose not your questionable music tastes on those who savor the druidic chant of Rage Against The Machine at 11 p.m.

11.Borroweth not the hammer of the Man which hangeth in position on the blessed pegboard. If thou breakest this commandment, at least have the courtesy to place the hammer back in correct position on the blessed pegboard. No, putting it on the workbench isn't good enough---how wouldst the man know to looketh there?

12.Tools of the garage shouldst remain in the garage at all times, excepting when the Man shall use them for home repair, in which case the sacred tools must remain wherever the Man leaves them, verily including even the kitchen counter and the upstairs hallway.

13.Leaveth not the tools of the Man on the back porch, lest they become rusty from rain.

14.Loaneth not the tools of the Man to your fishy work friends who hath not earned tools of their own.

15.Pulleth not your truck into the garage whilst a repair doth transpire in the other bay. The space is needed for many great deliberations and ritual beer drinking. Considereth any snow removal that may be required from your vehicle the next morning as a small penance to pay in comparison to the bloody knuckles, hangover, and bodily suffering borne by the Man.

16.Closeth the trash can at all time, lest the stinking odor of cat poop foul the air.

17.Covet not the eleven Phillips head screwdrivers on the Man's pegboard, and cast not thy insults on the Man's need for additional screwdrivers in the future. Each screwdriver serves a unique, substitution-impossible purpose.

18.Thou shalt not remove the multitude of straightened, oddly-formed, spray-paint-encrusted coat hangers dangling from the garage ceiling. Resist the temptation to dispose of these humble tools, and your rewards shall include a freshly painted iron planter---as soon as the Man finishes working on his bike, car or four-wheel-drive vehicle, of course.

19.Maintaineth a minimum of six yo-yo's (retracting tape rulers), or findeth not one when needed.

20.A man's worth shall be measured by the number of cans of partially used spray paint on his shelves. However, the Man will never have the right color for the job at hand.

21.Obey the Flat Surface Rule. Always put down the tool you are using on the nearest flat surface. Then look for it elsewhere---stopeth for a beer when discouraged.

22.Respect the large piece of cardboard against the garage wall. The Man useth it to lay on when he is under the truck. Touch it not, lest lightning strike thee dead.

23.I sayeth to you: No sweeter sound ever shall be heard than thy own air impact wrench in thy own garage.

24.Thou shalt love the smell of grease as thou loveth thyself.

25.Take not the name of GOJO Creme Formula hand cleaner in vain, especially in the fruity lemon scent.

26. A man’s worth in relation to his neighbors shall be measured by the number of engine cylinders in his stable. In no case, shall the number of cylinders be less than the man’s age. However, the number of cylinders may, in exceptional cases, be replaced by total horsepower

27. The man's regular street clothes are to be considered "wanna-be shop clothes in waiting" and shall be promoted to "shop duty" at any moment. This is contary to the comment from SWMBO of "WTF ... Look at your jeans, you just ruined them".

28. Blessed be you, my younger brother, who useth my garage when I'm out of town. But I swear to God if you leave it messed up like that again, I'm going to kick your butt.

[oldiron]

Addidums


XX. Blessed be thy neighbor who bringeth beer when in need of all mighty tool.

XX. Let not thunder nor rain nor snow interrupt thy work except for thy loss of power.

XX. Bless thy latest part and let it worketh and not be used for casting blasphemy as thy parts wench shall surely have retired for the night.

XX. Give man patience to not kill thy child that borroweth thy tool and not returneth within thy year.

XX. Let yee castle overfloweth with carriages in desperate need of ill repair.

XX. Bless the man and his tools needing to work on project during the biggest of games.

XX. Holy be thy tanks of fire and may they breath like dragons during battle.

XX. May thy shop light always be longeth enough to reach thy place of need.

XX. Bless yee Craftsman Club flyer that cometh on day of pay.

XX. Let the heavens and earth part on forth frosty winter night when outdoor project is done.

XX. Bless thee wench that stocketh thy beer fridge without being asketh.

XX. Give man patience to keep scratch awl in drawer when thy neighbor calleth police again!

XX. Let thy air compressor be silent but winded.

[Bishops Trucks]

Ye all should adhere to thy Commandments! I will print this out, frame it and hang it in my humble garage. Thank you fine sir.

[GREASEMONKEY72]

Amen

[earl87gta]

I need a big poster of this for my shop.

[Bishops Trucks]

I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of working with it to make it a nice printable piece suitable for framing and hanging in thy garage.

THE 28 GARAGE COMMANDMENTS


May God Bless our garages and contents therein, as well as our goods works we doith in said garages!

1. The garage shall be forever kept as the sacred realm of the Man. Neither lacy curtains nor gingham privacy panels shall be allowed on the windows of the sacred garage.

2. The garage shall not be cleaned, except in cases of extreme need, such as when a pair of holy Vise-Grip locking pliers hath gone missing.

3. Sawdust, grease, and oil are the holy sacraments of the garage, and thus must never be disposed of in haste or with malice.

4. Honor thy rags.

5. Complaineth not when the Man's Friends cometh over to work on a four-wheel-drive vehicle on a Thursday night until 2:00 a.m. Be thee grateful that the Man and his Friends are not attending stimulating performances of voluptuous harlots at Shotgun Willies on this evening.

6. Thou shalt not remove the beer bottles from the front yard before work in the garage hath yet been completed. Yea, the front yard must be considered an extension of the garage when the garage door remaineth in an upright and horizontal position.

7. Honor the Man and his Friends at all times, even when one of these Friends dropeth a heavy steel truck wheel in the driveway at 12:30 a.m., awakening thyself and wrathful neighbors who calleth to complain.

8. Storeth not antique doll houses in the garage.

9. Thou shalt not ask the Man to bring in the groceries when you see that his hands are greasy, or that he is underneath a truck working on the evil U-joint.

10. Adjust not the volume of music that playeth in the garage. Impose not your questionable music tastes on those who savor the druidic chant of Rage Against The Machine at 11 p.m.

11. Borroweth not the hammer of the Man which hangeth in position on the blessed pegboard. If thou breakest this commandment, at least have the courtesy to place the hammer back in correct position on the blessed pegboard. No, putting it on the workbench isn't good enough---how wouldst the man know to looketh there?

12. Tools of the garage shouldst remain in the garage at all times, excepting when the Man shall use them for home repair, in which case the sacred tools must remain wherever the Man leaves them, verily including even the kitchen counter and the upstairs hallway.

13. Leaveth not the tools of the Man on the back porch, lest they become rusty from rain.

14. Loaneth not the tools of the Man to your fishy work friends who hath not earned tools of their own.

15. Pulleth not your truck into the garage whilst a repair doth transpire in the other bay. The space is needed for many great deliberations and ritual beer drinking. Considereth any snow removal that may be required from your vehicle the next morning as a small penance to pay in comparison to the bloody knuckles, hangover, and bodily suffering borne by the Man.

16. Closeth the trash can at all time, lest the stinking odor of cat poop foul the air.

17. Covet not the eleven Phillips head screwdrivers on the Man's pegboard, and cast not thy insults on the Man's need for additional screwdrivers in the future. Each screwdriver serves a unique, substitution-impossible purpose.

18. Thou shalt not remove the multitude of straightened, oddly-formed, spray-paint-encrusted coat hangers dangling from the garage ceiling. Resist the temptation to dispose of these humble tools, and your rewards shall include a freshly painted iron planter---as soon as the Man finishes working on his bike, car or four-wheel-drive vehicle, of course.

19. Maintaineth a minimum of six yo-yo's (retracting tape rulers), or findeth not one when needed.

20. A man's worth shall be measured by the number of cans of partially used spray paint on his shelves. However, the Man will never have the right color for the job at hand.

21. Obey the Flat Surface Rule. Always put down the tool you are using on the nearest flat surface. Then look for it elsewhere---stopeth for a beer when discouraged.

22. Respect the large piece of cardboard against the garage wall. The Man useth it to lay on when he is under the truck. Touch it not, lest lightning strike thee dead.

23. I sayeth to you: No sweeter sound ever shall be heard than thy own air impact wrench in thy own garage.

24. Thou shalt love the smell of grease as thou loveth thyself.

25. Take not the name of GOJO Creme Formula hand cleaner in vain, especially in the fruity lemon scent.

26. A man’s worth in relation to his neighbors shall be measured by the number of engine cylinders in his stable. In no case, shall the number of cylinders be less than the man’s age. However, the number of cylinders may, in exceptional cases, be replaced by total horsepower

27. The man's regular street clothes are to be considered "wanna-be shop clothes in waiting" and shall be promoted to "shop duty" at any moment. This is contary to the comment from SWMBO of "WTF ... Look at your jeans, you just ruined them".

28. Blessed be you, my younger brother, who useth my garage when I'm out of town. But I swear to God if you leave it messed up like that again, I'm going to kick your butt.


Addendums


1. Blessed be thy neighbor who bringeth beer when in need of all mighty tool.

2. Let not thunder nor rain nor snow interrupt thy work except for thy loss of power.

3. Bless thy latest part and let it worketh and not be used for casting blasphemy as thy parts wench shall surely have retired for the night.

4. Give man patience to not kill thy child that borroweth thy tool and not returneth within thy year.

5. Let yee castle overfloweth with carriages in desperate need of ill repair.

6. Bless the man and his tools needing to work on project during the biggest of games.

7. Holy be thy tanks of fire and may they breath like dragons during battle.

8. May thy shop light always be longeth enough to reach thy place of need.

9. Bless yee Craftsman Club flyer that cometh on day of pay.

10. Let the heavens and earth part on forth frosty winter night when outdoor project is done.

11. Bless thee wench that stocketh thy beer fridge without being asketh.

12. Give man patience to keep scratch awl in drawer when thy neighbor calleth police again!

13. Let thy air compressor be silent but winded.

[Stepside65]

Thank you kind sirs for the words of wisdom. I must print this out and place it in the hobby shop. So that all who wrench will know.