You know you own a $500 car (or truck) when

[Fatherof3]

I was over on the "you might drive a squarebody when" thread here (where I found a half dozen more i could plagiarize, steal, copy, and or adapt to this list and thought I should share it.

You know you own a $500 car when:

You notice a bolt on the ground where you normally park and you wonder if it goes to an important part

You mow your grass and find a fuel pump and an old head gasket

You had to re-assemble it to bring it home

You are backing into your garage and run into a spare motor

You have a screwdriver and clean rags in your purse

You take the back seat out and it makes the car noticeably quicker

There are vise grips under the hood and they need to be there

You are driving and hear clink clank clunk and immediately affix your eyes to the rear view mirror to see what tool just fell out from under the hood and whether or not it's turning around worthy

Your half lug nuts have disappeared

You only buy gas at a station that has a downhill slope so you can get it started again

You can’t buy gas at a station that has a downhill slope because your car will roll away

You have to hold on the gas nozzle the whole time at just the right angle to fill it

You are afraid you will run out of oil before you run out of gas

You buy kitty-litter and don’t have a kitty

Yon hit a pot hole and our glove box falls out from under the dash dumping your tools on the road

The lack of oil drips on the driveway concerns you

You're on a first name basis with the AAA customer service reps.

There's a car shaped brown patch in your yard

Your car is older than the people working at the parts store

You're friends ask where the headliner is

The ex-wife didn't want it in the divorce

You have to wipe the condensation off of both the inside and outside of the windows before driving every morning

You question why you have mirrors because all you see in them is vibrating blured objects

You store a rag and a bottle of oil under the hood

You step on the gas and the car actually slows down

Your boss actually believes "My car broke down" when you're late

You're sitting in a meeting at work and the person next to you says "you smell like gas"

Your insurance considers a crack in your windshield a total loss

Your shoes have no laces because the wipers do

You go to buy a bungee cord and ask for a battery tie down

You have to smack the hood to get it open

You know which tools to grab before you even open the hood

A bungee cord is also hood and or trunk latch

You break down on the side of a road and you're able to fix it with the tools in your glove box

You vacuum your carpets once a week due to sloshing

It's always 5:00 (or whatever time your clock last functioned)

You get to work and your windshield is still iced over

You wash your hands before going the bathroom

When anything you do to it is an upgrade

The GPS on your phone is your speedometer

You have figured out a algorithm for the RPMs because your speedo doesn’t work

The engine dies at a stop light because the lights, wipers, heater fan and brake lights are too big of a draw on the alternator

The bike on your roof is for back up

If you have left a friend or family member at the junkyard to guard parts while you race home to get the right tools.

Your neighbors complains about the junkyard you call a driveway

You check all the sticker bushes.... For cars

Your parts car has a parts car

You get caught trespassing and say "Sorry sir just looking for old cars”

Your anti theft device is a wire nut

When you go out on your lunch break, and all that happens is fixing a carb

When you save old radiator hoses and fan belts

If you plan to get everything fixed on your list in 3 days, and 4 weeks later, the list is still growing

Your young son starts drawing pictures of cars and the front wheels are always up on ramps

Woman think its a cute car, but wont ride in it

The wiper switch has two speeds: slow and slower

Changing head gaskets and transmissions feels more like maintenance than repair

You consider 60mph fast

Your PU bed is full of what you think are valueable parts but you don't have to worry that anyone will steel them.

You don't worry about losing you ignition key, since every other key on your ring will start it

You keep a jug of water and a jug of used oil in the trunk

You go to your parts stash but can't find anything and have to come back with the weed eater

Your e-brake is a block of firewood

You get passed by a 1964 VW bus on the freeway

You step on the gas and the car actually slows down

Your car gets towed because they thought it was abandoned

You take the back road home because you cannot safely go freeway speeds

You take the back roads home to scout for parts cars

You are afraid you will run out of oil before you run out of gas

You save old fenders with rusted out bottoms because the headlight bucket is still good

The officer says "I was going to ticket you for speeding, but I just can't believe you were actually going as fast as my radar says”

Your Hi beams are your Lo beams

You turn the key only to smell gas and your passengers get away from the car

That’s the 3rd time this week that broke

If running your car out of gas in an inconvenient place might be considered a total lose.

Ace hardware is considered a parts store

You run out of AAA free tows and start using your brothers AAA card

You do a tune up for someone else and keep their old spark plugs

People you know call to tell you they saw a car that could be good for parts for yours parked at such and such place

The officer says "I was going to ticket you for speeding, but I just can't believe you were actually going as fast as my radar says

The confused officer walks back to his car and you lift the floor mat and pick your beer up off the road before driving away

You walk up to the parts counter and say "I want two wiper blades for my car." And the parts guy says "That sounds like a fair trade."

3 pumps stops it

You drive a different car and at the first stop sign you smack your face on the steering wheel

If you are addicted to brake fluid but believe you can stop any time

Your wife rolls her eyes as you are reading this to her and says "Sounds like they're describing you”

[dmartin1]

ahhhh ha! thats funny stuff.

about 75% of those apply to me unfortunately ha!

[vectorit]

The cop that pulled you over accuses you of having burglar tools, when he see's the cover alls, latex gloves, pry bar, hammer, and duct tape in the trunk. (True story for me )

[Fatherof3]

Originally Posted by vectorit

The cop that pulled you over accuses you of having burglar tools, when he see's the cover alls, latex gloves, pry bar, hammer, and duct tape in the trunk. (True story for me )

That's a great one. I'm adding it to the list

[rambler]

I have to remember on one car to either pull through in a parking space, OR, park uphill, so it can roll out... as the reverse was out of the car.. sometimes, I would have to stick my foot out to give it a start to roll out the parking space at work.. ( true story)

[skorpioskorpio]

You have to brake with your left foot, because your right foot needs to provide idle.
You keep red and yellow tinted clear tape under your seat.
You've hidden a coat hanger somewhere were it can be accessed from outside the vehicle.
Your antennea is bent over on the end from before you hid the coat hanger.
Aiming your headlights involves twisting a wire.
You've done a "tune up" with a 2 liter bottle of water.
There is a box of baking soda next to your jumper cables.
When you brake you can hear the cans of Fix-a-flat smack into each other.
Opening the door requires a "technique".
Some times rolling up the window requires you to pull on the top of the window to help it along.
You know that's not a lifter tick, it's something else.
As long as you don't rev it up in gear with your foot on the brake the engine will stay flat.
That jack works fine you just need to put a board under it to make it higher.
If you are driving at night and see a cop you reach for a flashlight.
You intentionally made your license plate light less effective.
You've fixed a non-working headlight with steel wool while getting gas.
You've manually applied windshield washer fluid.
You have to roll down the window to open the door.
You have to duck to see in your rear view mirror.
You have to bounce on the seat to make sure it's in one of the positions it stays in.
Your instinctive reaction is to put your arm across the back of the seat when you brake hard.
There are several bungie cords currently in active use.
All fluids are the same color so drips are identified by touch and smell.
There is really no point in turning on the radio it just mimics the sound of the engine.
You can avoid that sound by not turning the wheel all the way in either direction.
You always drive slightly to the left.
That gear requires a little different technique than the others.
You down shift to put off that brake job.
Changing the oil just creates leaks.
There is a roll of paper towels on the seat, always.
The defroster just fogs up the windshield.
You can only lock that door with a key.
Left, right and the area in the middle that isn't either, are the 3 steering wheel positions.

[TJ's Chevy]

Hahahah!!!

[meter swinger]

You leave the key in the ignition since most thieves wouldn't waste thier time.

[special-K]

...mounting and balancing costs more than the tire

...you feel like celebrating a week passing without needing to open the hood

...getting in,starting,and pulling out takes more steps than you can count on one hand

...you spend more on antifreeze,oil,p/s & brake fluid than gas

...life is good as long as the exhaust pipe makes it to the muffler

...when the fix-it list is about equal to the can get by without it list

[Fatherof3]

Loving these

[TJ's Chevy]

You couldn't Pay Anyone to steal your truck.

You have to have your wife sit in the driver's seat while you push so you can pop start it.

Your brakes are the e-brake handle.

You have to use starting fluid every time you start it.

The fuel gauge reads half full when the tank is empty.

You have a piece of wood on your seat to keep you from falling through(True story for me).

You have to touch two studs on the starter with a screw driver so it will crank over.

The tires are worth more then the truck.

When the value doubles after you fill the tank with gas.

When the girls you know say its a neat ol truck, but the minut you ask them if they wanna drive it they frown(normally with fords).

When you try to do a burnout and it stalls no matter how much gas you give it.

[68C15]

when you have to back in the driveway at night. Reverse don't work when cold. BTDTGTTS

[rusty76]

You know I carried a skateboard in the bed of my truck for two reasons. One for moving stuff. Works for furniture and other odd items. Two if I needed a lift. Although I could walk better than skateboard......

[Indian113]

You leave a twenty dollar bill on the dash incase someone needs gas if they steal it!

[eighty-seven]

when you switch to 4wd only the front tires spin.

[tommys72]

These are great...and alot of them explain my cavalier

[special-K]

Yeah,I'm sitting here wondering how folks knew about all the issues I've gotten around on my work truck the past 5 or more years. And,it's worth a lot more than $500!

[oldiron]

When you break down in high crime area and leave the keys in it and sign the title and come back a month later finding it untouched. Happened to a friend of mine.

[prairewolf]

... Black electrical tape fixes(covers) the check engine light. ... 87 Olds 4 cyl.

[rambler]

well,, my daughter's $500 car just went down.. got it towed home.. guess the seal was worse then I thought, no oil on dipstick,, and lots on back side of engine.. 95 Neon.. added 3 quarts.. just to check,, got fluid on dipstick, she started right up.. but sounded like a pile driver...

so now have to decide what to do with it.. ..

[Gumby]

never paid more then $800 for a car, best ones cost me $250 or less.

Both Wagon and Firebird have given me 13-15 years of service.

Only my motorcycle cost $1200


Best one, paid $185 for a pinto, drove it a while, sold it for $400, bought 68 Galaxy with that $400, drove it a while, traded Galaxy for a 9 sec drag bike, rode it, blew it up, rebuilt it, sold it not running $900

[68C15]

Originally Posted by rambler

well,, my daughter's $500 car just went down.. got it towed home.. guess the seal was worse then I thought, no oil on dipstick,, and lots on back side of engine.. 95 Neon.. added 3 quarts.. just to check,, got fluid on dipstick, she started right up.. but sounded like a pile driver...

so now have to decide what to do with it.. ..

replace cam sensor gasket and keep driving it until she can replace car.

[rambler]

Originally Posted by 68C15

replace cam sensor gasket and keep driving it until she can replace car.

car has a very loud knock in the bottom end.. sounds like it will throw something through the side....

[Fatherof3]

Originally Posted by rambler

car has a very loud knock in the bottom end.. sounds like it will throw something through the side....

"car has a very loud knock in the bottom end"
I think this makes it a "Your car isn't worth $500 when..." qualifier

Best wishes with that

[rusty76]

^^^^Makes me think of the time I bought a '1980 Mazda GLC for 250 bucks. I drove it everywhere and did just about everything in it. Took it off roading and ditch hopping. I was at work and heard someone say " I can't believe I did that." I looked around the corner and the lady I worked with had backed into my car. Put a softball size dent in her rear fender of her truck. I went to leave for home that night and my tire was flat on the other side.....Then I let mom take the car about a week later to work and it spun a rod. I parked it. Friend of mine wanted the car real bad. I told him it was junk he insisted it wasn't. So I sold it to him for 250. He drove it for exactly one day and threw a rod out the side of the block. Oh well.